BloodRayne (2005)

June 5, 2011 - 2:12pm | FrighT MasteR
  Tags: based on game, Ben Kingsley, Billy Zane, bloodrayne, Geraldine Chaplin, Kristanna Loken, Matt Davis, Meat Loaf, Michael Madsen, Michael ParĂ©, Michelle Rodriguez, period piece, Udo Kier, Uwe Boll, Will Sanderson

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Uwe Boll
Kristanna Loken, Ben Kingsley, Will Sanderson, Michelle Rodriguez, Matt Davis, Michael Madsen, Udo Kier, Michael Pare, Geraldine Chaplin, Meat Loaf, Billy Zane

Yes, the disaster-master himself Uwe Boll returns to bring us yet another game-to-movie adaptation. After the bad House of the Dead, and atrocious Alone in the Dark, he attempts to redeem himself with BloodRayne. Off-the-bat critics bashed Boll's involvement in the project, and given the man's track record, I don't blame them. Taking place a couple centuries before the events of the first game, the movie is essentially a prequel to the story, showing Rayne as she started out as some circus freak (?) and learning how to fight by an early version of the Brimstone Society.

Rayne's quest doesn't change much from the games, as she's still on the hunt for her father Kagen, who, like many in the film, are on the hunt for various talisman that grant great power to the user who collects them all. The movie was initially supposed to get around 1,900 screens for its theatrical release, but due to not booking theaters before sending out the prints, the theaters declined to show it, moving the screen estimate to a measly 985. Though, I doubt regardless of the screens that the film would have made a dent at the box office.

There are three things good about this movie -- Kristina Loken's left breast, the gore (which was gratuitous throughout the unrated version), and lastly Kristina Loken's right breast. In an attempt to bring in viewers, Boll packs the film with a number of familiar names and faces, most notably Ben Kingsley as Kagen, who doesn't do much more than sit on his ass until the end when he faces off with Rayne. Michael Madsen plays his usual expressionless self, along-side the butch Michelle Rodriguez (who tries her hardest at having an accent) as vampire hunters.

We get other incredibly short and ultimately pointless cameos like Billy Zane, whose 2-minute on-screen time of writing out a letter was most exhilarating. Next to the thin script, the movie's problem was horrible choreography. It was clear that many of these actors didn't know how to wield a weapon and it shows when it came down to a number of the fight sequences. We're witness to a lot of slow and awkward movements, but luckily it's usually finished by a lot of blood spraying in the air or a sword in the mouth (ouch!). So, the movie ends up just as another wasted Uwe Boll effort. Although the gore is pretty sweet, and basically the only thing that kept me watching, it wasn't enough to make me forget the horrible choreography, slim storyline, dubious acting, and lame directing.

Although better than Alone in the Dark, the movie is still pretty bad. From the horrible choreography to the pointless celebrity cameos, Uwe Boll tries his hardest at making this a good movie, but still only manages to make it a decent gorefest (unrated version anyway), and aside from Loken showing some boobage, I wouldn't bother with this movie.

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FrighT MasteR's picture
FrighT MasteR is an avid horror fan / monster hunter extraordinaire, who created and has been running UHM since its inception, way back in 1999.




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