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Dark House (2014)

  Tags: Alex McKenna, Anthony Rey Perez, Blue Horse Productions, Charles Agron, Charles Agron Productions, haunted, Leslie-Anne Down, Luke Kleintank, Max Gail, Tobin Bell, Victor Salva, Zack Ward

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Victor Salva
102 minutes
Leslie-Anne Down, Luke Kleintank, Anthony Rey Perez, Alex McKenna, Zack Ward, Max Gail, Tobin Bell

While many horror fans wait for a third installment in the Jeepers Creepers series, writer/director Victor Salva continues to churn out mediocre genre efforts. This latest product titled Dark House is not much of an improvement over the dreadful Rosewood Lane that came out a few years prior, but it does offer a few amusing nods to Jeepers Creepers, so maybe that's a step in the right direction?? (*sighs*)

The story follows a young man named Nick, who occasionally has the ability to see visions of how someone's gonna die by way of touch. Anyway, while celebrating his 23rd birthday his crazy mother dies in a fire at the mental health facility that she was held in. Fast forward several months later and it's revealed that among the items left to him by his deceased mother is the deed to an old house--a house that he's apparently been drawing and having visions of since he was a little boy. Taking this as some sort of sign, he, his pregnant GF, and a friend go on a road trip to the small backwoods town that's said to be home to his new found property.

Unfortunately upon entering the town its revealed by the locals that the notorious house has been lost in a flood many years ago. However the legend goes that the house couldn't be destroyed and was uprooted and simply maneuvered it's way to another part of the area. With the help of some random "Public Land and Survey" people, they follows clues to the whereabouts of its new location. They eventually find the house, along with Tobin Bell as some sort of squatting hobo/housekeeper that gives the group a good scare while he and a team of other random dudes in trench coats chase after them with axes. Let the fun begin!

Dark House started simple enough and being a fan of road/small town-themed horror films I was mildly entertained by what was shown up to a certain point (ignoring all the silly early scenes of people talking to an unknown overdramatic voice from a rusty old vent). Sadly, once they actually encounter the house and  these "axemen" things start to slowly go downhill, specifically as more and more things that don't make sense stack up. Like why the group keeps ending up at the house despite going an opposite direction or why these dudes with axes are even after them in the first place.

It's not until the last 20-minutes that it's finally explained and it turns out to be some half-assed convoluted Angels versus Demons nonsense. Even after that's explained, there's still a lot left to be accounted for, like why these "Angels" all look like trench-coat-wearing vagrants that can't seem to even stand up while chasing people. They literally hop while hunched forward, dragging an axe behind them (WTF??) Meanwhile, Tobin Bell seemed fine; in fact, throw a cowboy hat on him and he could've been the new Creeper. And why is everyone swinging around axes anyway? Is that the choice weapon against Angels and Demons or something? Just a small fraction of the countless issues I had with the movie.

Dark House started out as a simple and decent genre effort, but slowly declined into a terribly written and unnecessarily convoluted story of good versus evil. I'd advise skipping this.

Posted on March 19, 2014 - 10:15pm | FrighT MasteR