FrighT MasteR
08-22-2008, 11:21 PM
While going through the old board I spotted an old story I wrote for school sometime in early '01. I read it and it's actually not all that bad. It's unoriginal, but interesting. I borrowed from films like Road Warrior and Omega Man and the story is filled with plot-holes and cheese, but considering I wrote it for class back when I was 17 it's still a decent effort. For those looking for a quick read you can check this out. Here's my original introduction along with it:
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I had to write this story for my English 4 class. The guy that brought up the idea had to come up with a basic character and story and each of us students had to write our own little thing that had to do with the character. At the end we are supposed to combine all our stories together to create some kind of whack book or something. I dunno, I think it's a waste of time, but oh well.
The guy came up with some idea to do a story about some guy going through a time machine helping people out or something. I'm not really into the whole "helping people out" thing, so I decided to make mine a little more dark.
I threw this story together in two days, so don't expect it to be really good. It's not a horror story, it's more of a mad max-type story. I was supposed to write only 3 pages, but I ended up writing like 4 or something.
I figured I'd post this crap on here to see what kinda feedback I'd get. I'm not used to writing these types of story. I've written a few horror stories though, but they were also for classes. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. You'll learn after reading this story that I'm not too into dialogue.
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Character is once again transported into a new year, but this time 100 years into the future. He awakens to find himself in the middle of the street. He looks around and sees no one. Only old abandoned buildings and broken down cars. He spots a newspaper heading on the ground. He picks it up and looks at the date – 2101 AD
100 years into the future? He thought. He puts down the paper and begins to walk ahead, looking at the desolate surroundings as he heads forward into this alien-world. Suddenly a shot breaks out behind him. He ducks and falls to the ground. He looks back to see what it was and notices a group of unknown travelers with weapons in their hands heading towards him. The guy in the middle holds a shot gun in the air. He must be the leader.
Middle guy : Where do you come from?
Character : What?
Middle guy : Where do you come from!?
Character : I come from nowhere.
Middle guy : I saw you fall from the sky. Are you the chosen one?
Character : Chosen one? What?
The group put their weapons down and walk towards Character. Small guy from the back steps forward and gives out his hand in hopes to help Character up.
Character : Thanks.
Small guy : It was foretold that a chosen one would come to us.
Character : I see, and I am this chosen one?
Small guy : You tell me.
Character has a confused look on his face.
Character : Why is everything so broken down and dirty?
A big guy steps forward. He’s wearing sunglasses and a black vest.
Big guy : The world went into an apocalyptic war in the year 2035. Great nations clashed and left us survivors with nothing more than a wasteland. It took us years to rebuild, but as you can see, we haven’t gotten far.
Character : You don’t actually believe this chosen one crap do you?
Big guy : Gotta believe in something.
Character nods his head.
Middle guy : Come with us.
Character follows the group to some old abandoned building.
Middle guy : My name’s Marz, by the way.
Marz : We had to come in before the sun went down. That’s when the Darks come out.
Character : The Darks?
Marz : The people that were exposed to the excess radiation when the bomb exploded during the war. There were many small-armed bombs that were meant to cause radiation to small towns and such. They were to make the people crazy and disfigured. They would go mad and destroy anyone who wasn’t like them.
Big guy : Yeah, those guys scare the crap outta me.
Marz : They only come out at night because their skin is sensitive to the sunlight, due to the extra radiation the sun exerts. It would literally melt them.
Character : Cool. But how were you guys able to not get hit by this radiation?
Marz : We knew what was coming. We went underground. We were still hit by the radiation, but not as severe. The point is we’ve been waiting for an outsider to help us. We’ve been running low on water and there’s water facility not too far from here. We were hoping that you could help us.
Character : I suppose I can, what is it I have to do?
Marz : Just have to help us get in and take over the facility, so we can get water.
Character nods his head in approval.
Marz : We can get started tomorrow when the sun comes up. The Darks won’t be guarding outside.
Character doesn’t sleep. He sits and talks with a few members of the group. The time passes. He is given two small hand guns. He doesn’t recognize them. They must not be from his time. He learns that the Big guy’s name is Roadie. Character looks around and counts five men in the group. Small group, he thought. The others aren’t talkative as Roadie and Marz. They mind their own business. He looks and sees Marz polishing his shotgun in the corner. Nobody can sleep.
Roadie : As you can see nobody really gets sleep around here. Gotta be ready for the next attack from the Darks.
Character : I understand. I’m not familiar with these guns, how do I reload?
Roadie : It’s x-battery operated. That means the bullets are created from the battery itself and reloads automatic. The battery will last up to 20 years.
Character : Sweet.
The night passes and the sun begins to shine through the broken cracks and windows of the old building.
Marz : You ready?
Character : Yes, what do I have to do?
Marz : We need you to get us in.
Character : Why me anyway?
Marz : Because we’re only five men, and there’s at least 45 to 60 Darks in there. We’ve needed a man to create a diversion and lead us in. You don’t seem to be as contaminated as us. Rather than ask more questions, we should press on.
The men head towards the facility. They finally reach it and a large fence surrounding it can be seen.
Character : Not much for security. You mean you guys can’t get through this?
The men all looked at each other and looked back at Character.
Marz : Move in.
Roadie pulls out some tool that cuts through the metal fence. A hole is opened. They each enter through the hole and reach the main doorway to the facility.
Marz : Open the door.
Character : What? Isn’t it locked?
Marz : No, open it.
Character has a questioned look on his face. He slowly moves his hand towards the knob and turns it. The door slightly opens.
Character : What the hell?
He pushes it open wider. The door is fully opened. Nothing can be seen inside but darkness.
Roadie : Here put this on.
He hands character a set of specialized goggles. They apparently have night vision. Character puts it on and sees a small hallway ahead.
Marz : You go first. We wait out here. You must fine the main area where they gather the water. Once you reach it there will be a huge red button somewhere. Once you press it, we’ll take over. The goggles have a small transmitter that will tell us your location. Once you’ve reached your destination and have located the huge red button, press the tag on the side of the goggles. We will then move in and take over. Kill any Darks that get in your way. Be sure to use the guns, and don’t worry, they have silencers, so a shot will not be heard.
Character : Why must I go in first?
He doesn’t look behind him as he asks Marz. He doesn’t want to ruin his eyes because of the goggles and the sun.
Marz : You’re quick and we are big and slow. We are tired. We just want to get in and take over, but we have slow reflexes due to the radiation that hit us when we were underground. That stuff gets around. Also the Darks can see through the darkness because their eyes have grown used to it after many years of living in it. So, watch yourself.
Character heads into the facility. He moves in quiet. He looks at all sides to make sure nothing that will pose a threat is around him. He has his guns ready for anything. He reaches the corner of the hallway. He moves to the wall. He slowly looks at the edge to make sure he can’t be seen. He hears a noise. He peeks at the edge. He spots a bald skinny man heading towards him. He must be a Dark.
He reaches the corner where Character is waiting and before he could do anything he’s hit over the head with the gun. The Dark falls to the ground. His eyes are glowing a neon green. Strange. He’s still conscious. Character draws the gun and shots the Dark in the eye, which explodes a green liquid. His head falls back to the ground. He’s dead.
Character can hear more Darks coming from the corner. He quickly moves to the corner and starts shooting, hitting anything in front of him. He sees many Darks fall to the ground. He runs down the hall until he reaches a door. He looks behind him and sees more Darks coming for him. He looks back to the door and opens it. He sees a huge machine in front of him. It must be where the water is pumped from. The red button must be around.
Character closes the door behind him. He looks around and spots a red button on the side of the machine. He presses it. The machine shuts down and an alarm sounds. He presses the tag on his goggle, signaling the others to come in. The darks open the door. Character starts firing his guns. They fall to the ground as they enter the room. He hears shots being fired. It must be the others.
A voice is heard behind him.
Voice : Looks like you’ve achieved your goal.
Character slowly turns around. He sees a hooded woman holding a gun.
Character : It was all for the better.
Hooded woman : That’s what you think. Put your guns down.
She keeps her gun pointed. Character moves quickly to the side attempting to dodge the bullets, but is shot on the shoulder, but not before firing his guns, hitting the hooded woman continuously in the chest. She falls to the ground. Marz enters the room.
Marz : You’ve done well. That was the leader, Deadite.
Character : Not much of a leader. Did I turn the machine off by pressing the red button?
Marz : Yes, and you also turned off the security.
Character : What security?
Marz holds his shotgun up. It’s pointed at Character.
Marz : The security that detects Cyborgs.
Character : Cyborgs? But –
Marz : You see, us – the group – we are early model Cyborgs that were sent out in third war. We were the ones flying the planes that released the radiation bombs. The military created us because they knew that we wouldn’t be harmed by the radiation. After we destroyed many cities and people with the radiation, we became almost god-like, because even our creators were affected by the radiation. They didn’t realize how powerful of a weapon they had released.
The character has a surprised look on his face. He can’t believe it.
Marz : What you just did right now was turn off the water facility for good, stopping the water supply all together. There was also a security force field that destroys version-one Cyborgs like myself if we come across it. You turned it off. That was why the door was unlocked. We wouldn’t have been able to open it unless a human did it for us.
Character falls to his knees, realizing what he had done.
Marz : This was the last human base left on this planet. Deadite was the last women. She was to create the new human world. You killed her. Now I’m going to kill you.
Before Marz could fire his gun a blinding flash of light surrounds Character… and he is once again transported into another time…
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I had to write this story for my English 4 class. The guy that brought up the idea had to come up with a basic character and story and each of us students had to write our own little thing that had to do with the character. At the end we are supposed to combine all our stories together to create some kind of whack book or something. I dunno, I think it's a waste of time, but oh well.
The guy came up with some idea to do a story about some guy going through a time machine helping people out or something. I'm not really into the whole "helping people out" thing, so I decided to make mine a little more dark.
I threw this story together in two days, so don't expect it to be really good. It's not a horror story, it's more of a mad max-type story. I was supposed to write only 3 pages, but I ended up writing like 4 or something.
I figured I'd post this crap on here to see what kinda feedback I'd get. I'm not used to writing these types of story. I've written a few horror stories though, but they were also for classes. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. You'll learn after reading this story that I'm not too into dialogue.
-----------
Character is once again transported into a new year, but this time 100 years into the future. He awakens to find himself in the middle of the street. He looks around and sees no one. Only old abandoned buildings and broken down cars. He spots a newspaper heading on the ground. He picks it up and looks at the date – 2101 AD
100 years into the future? He thought. He puts down the paper and begins to walk ahead, looking at the desolate surroundings as he heads forward into this alien-world. Suddenly a shot breaks out behind him. He ducks and falls to the ground. He looks back to see what it was and notices a group of unknown travelers with weapons in their hands heading towards him. The guy in the middle holds a shot gun in the air. He must be the leader.
Middle guy : Where do you come from?
Character : What?
Middle guy : Where do you come from!?
Character : I come from nowhere.
Middle guy : I saw you fall from the sky. Are you the chosen one?
Character : Chosen one? What?
The group put their weapons down and walk towards Character. Small guy from the back steps forward and gives out his hand in hopes to help Character up.
Character : Thanks.
Small guy : It was foretold that a chosen one would come to us.
Character : I see, and I am this chosen one?
Small guy : You tell me.
Character has a confused look on his face.
Character : Why is everything so broken down and dirty?
A big guy steps forward. He’s wearing sunglasses and a black vest.
Big guy : The world went into an apocalyptic war in the year 2035. Great nations clashed and left us survivors with nothing more than a wasteland. It took us years to rebuild, but as you can see, we haven’t gotten far.
Character : You don’t actually believe this chosen one crap do you?
Big guy : Gotta believe in something.
Character nods his head.
Middle guy : Come with us.
Character follows the group to some old abandoned building.
Middle guy : My name’s Marz, by the way.
Marz : We had to come in before the sun went down. That’s when the Darks come out.
Character : The Darks?
Marz : The people that were exposed to the excess radiation when the bomb exploded during the war. There were many small-armed bombs that were meant to cause radiation to small towns and such. They were to make the people crazy and disfigured. They would go mad and destroy anyone who wasn’t like them.
Big guy : Yeah, those guys scare the crap outta me.
Marz : They only come out at night because their skin is sensitive to the sunlight, due to the extra radiation the sun exerts. It would literally melt them.
Character : Cool. But how were you guys able to not get hit by this radiation?
Marz : We knew what was coming. We went underground. We were still hit by the radiation, but not as severe. The point is we’ve been waiting for an outsider to help us. We’ve been running low on water and there’s water facility not too far from here. We were hoping that you could help us.
Character : I suppose I can, what is it I have to do?
Marz : Just have to help us get in and take over the facility, so we can get water.
Character nods his head in approval.
Marz : We can get started tomorrow when the sun comes up. The Darks won’t be guarding outside.
Character doesn’t sleep. He sits and talks with a few members of the group. The time passes. He is given two small hand guns. He doesn’t recognize them. They must not be from his time. He learns that the Big guy’s name is Roadie. Character looks around and counts five men in the group. Small group, he thought. The others aren’t talkative as Roadie and Marz. They mind their own business. He looks and sees Marz polishing his shotgun in the corner. Nobody can sleep.
Roadie : As you can see nobody really gets sleep around here. Gotta be ready for the next attack from the Darks.
Character : I understand. I’m not familiar with these guns, how do I reload?
Roadie : It’s x-battery operated. That means the bullets are created from the battery itself and reloads automatic. The battery will last up to 20 years.
Character : Sweet.
The night passes and the sun begins to shine through the broken cracks and windows of the old building.
Marz : You ready?
Character : Yes, what do I have to do?
Marz : We need you to get us in.
Character : Why me anyway?
Marz : Because we’re only five men, and there’s at least 45 to 60 Darks in there. We’ve needed a man to create a diversion and lead us in. You don’t seem to be as contaminated as us. Rather than ask more questions, we should press on.
The men head towards the facility. They finally reach it and a large fence surrounding it can be seen.
Character : Not much for security. You mean you guys can’t get through this?
The men all looked at each other and looked back at Character.
Marz : Move in.
Roadie pulls out some tool that cuts through the metal fence. A hole is opened. They each enter through the hole and reach the main doorway to the facility.
Marz : Open the door.
Character : What? Isn’t it locked?
Marz : No, open it.
Character has a questioned look on his face. He slowly moves his hand towards the knob and turns it. The door slightly opens.
Character : What the hell?
He pushes it open wider. The door is fully opened. Nothing can be seen inside but darkness.
Roadie : Here put this on.
He hands character a set of specialized goggles. They apparently have night vision. Character puts it on and sees a small hallway ahead.
Marz : You go first. We wait out here. You must fine the main area where they gather the water. Once you reach it there will be a huge red button somewhere. Once you press it, we’ll take over. The goggles have a small transmitter that will tell us your location. Once you’ve reached your destination and have located the huge red button, press the tag on the side of the goggles. We will then move in and take over. Kill any Darks that get in your way. Be sure to use the guns, and don’t worry, they have silencers, so a shot will not be heard.
Character : Why must I go in first?
He doesn’t look behind him as he asks Marz. He doesn’t want to ruin his eyes because of the goggles and the sun.
Marz : You’re quick and we are big and slow. We are tired. We just want to get in and take over, but we have slow reflexes due to the radiation that hit us when we were underground. That stuff gets around. Also the Darks can see through the darkness because their eyes have grown used to it after many years of living in it. So, watch yourself.
Character heads into the facility. He moves in quiet. He looks at all sides to make sure nothing that will pose a threat is around him. He has his guns ready for anything. He reaches the corner of the hallway. He moves to the wall. He slowly looks at the edge to make sure he can’t be seen. He hears a noise. He peeks at the edge. He spots a bald skinny man heading towards him. He must be a Dark.
He reaches the corner where Character is waiting and before he could do anything he’s hit over the head with the gun. The Dark falls to the ground. His eyes are glowing a neon green. Strange. He’s still conscious. Character draws the gun and shots the Dark in the eye, which explodes a green liquid. His head falls back to the ground. He’s dead.
Character can hear more Darks coming from the corner. He quickly moves to the corner and starts shooting, hitting anything in front of him. He sees many Darks fall to the ground. He runs down the hall until he reaches a door. He looks behind him and sees more Darks coming for him. He looks back to the door and opens it. He sees a huge machine in front of him. It must be where the water is pumped from. The red button must be around.
Character closes the door behind him. He looks around and spots a red button on the side of the machine. He presses it. The machine shuts down and an alarm sounds. He presses the tag on his goggle, signaling the others to come in. The darks open the door. Character starts firing his guns. They fall to the ground as they enter the room. He hears shots being fired. It must be the others.
A voice is heard behind him.
Voice : Looks like you’ve achieved your goal.
Character slowly turns around. He sees a hooded woman holding a gun.
Character : It was all for the better.
Hooded woman : That’s what you think. Put your guns down.
She keeps her gun pointed. Character moves quickly to the side attempting to dodge the bullets, but is shot on the shoulder, but not before firing his guns, hitting the hooded woman continuously in the chest. She falls to the ground. Marz enters the room.
Marz : You’ve done well. That was the leader, Deadite.
Character : Not much of a leader. Did I turn the machine off by pressing the red button?
Marz : Yes, and you also turned off the security.
Character : What security?
Marz holds his shotgun up. It’s pointed at Character.
Marz : The security that detects Cyborgs.
Character : Cyborgs? But –
Marz : You see, us – the group – we are early model Cyborgs that were sent out in third war. We were the ones flying the planes that released the radiation bombs. The military created us because they knew that we wouldn’t be harmed by the radiation. After we destroyed many cities and people with the radiation, we became almost god-like, because even our creators were affected by the radiation. They didn’t realize how powerful of a weapon they had released.
The character has a surprised look on his face. He can’t believe it.
Marz : What you just did right now was turn off the water facility for good, stopping the water supply all together. There was also a security force field that destroys version-one Cyborgs like myself if we come across it. You turned it off. That was why the door was unlocked. We wouldn’t have been able to open it unless a human did it for us.
Character falls to his knees, realizing what he had done.
Marz : This was the last human base left on this planet. Deadite was the last women. She was to create the new human world. You killed her. Now I’m going to kill you.
Before Marz could fire his gun a blinding flash of light surrounds Character… and he is once again transported into another time…