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View Full Version : Fan Fic- "The Final Species"


Titanosaurus
07-08-2009, 11:54 PM
It was dark. Almost unmentionably dark. Priscilla wandered through the black, wet, dripping corridors, alone. She was practically feeling her way around. She couldn't believe what had happened. It was like nothing any human had ever encountered before, or what no human was meant to see. It seemed like it all happened seconds ago, but in reality this incident took place over 12 hours before...

What happened was that Priscilla and her team of fellow commandos were sent on a rountine search-and-rescue mission to a secluded research lab locked comfortably in the Canadian Rockies. On her team were: the only other fellow woman Anita Weller, First in Command Light Weapons Handler. Priscilla herself was second in command on that part, herself a noob for all intents and purposes. Then there was Glenn Baxter, a big dude, and the team's Heavy Weapons Handler. Then there was Helicoptor Pilot, the talkative Ryan Bass. Team Navigator and 3rd in Command was Olan Hagintov, the quiet foreigner. Second in Command was your typical brave and handsome guy, John Criswell. Team Commander was Doug Bunnel, a world-class son of a bitch if there ever was one, who's gotten away more than once with telling Priscilla that "he wanted her wet, sopping pussy."

Before long, arrival at the lab had come, but the team was far from prepared for what was in store. Doug decided it was best for the team to split into teams of two, with Ryan staying behind at the chopper should any trouble start up. Of course, he decided that he and Priscilla should explore together. They took the lower levels of the complex. Anita and Glenn took the 2nd level, while John and Olan went further up.

The levels all were littered with viciously-mangled corpses. They were chewed up by what almost may have been scissors or garden shears. No killers seemed present. When Doug and Priscilla entered the steamy, dripping bowels of the high-tech complex, he decided it was best to currently discontinue all radio activity in order to cut down on noise should their culprit be located. As the duo continued onward into the deep, shadowed bowels, Doug commanded a stop.

Doug: "All right, this is far enough."
Priscilla: " What are you talking about? Wha...we gotta keep going."
Doug: "Not until you do me a little favor."
Priscilla: "What's on your mind, bub?"
Doug: "Remember how I told you I wanted your sopping, wet pussy?" Doug dropped his auto rifle to the ground and began unbuckling his pants.
Priscilla: "You pig! You fucking pig bastard!" She panicked. Forgetting she had a rifle at her disposle, she backed behind a small stream of water dripping from a cracked pipe. Twitchingly, she fumbled for her radio, but Doug snapped it from her waist holder. With a sadistic grin on his face, he lunged, pants now at his ankles. Priscilla attempted to fight back, but he was strong. He ripped open her vest, revealing a white tanktop wetted by the leaking pipe. Doug began necking her now, groping her ass, her breasts. Screaming didn't help; no one heard them down there. Doug finally left down his shorts, revealing his naked genitals for Priscilla. She took this chance to knee him in his nude balls. The hit sent him sprawling to the concrete ground. Writhing, gagging in pain, Doug grabbed his rifle, took off the safety. Priscilla's eyes widened, but not from the fact that she had a gun pointed at her, but from what was rising behind the half-naked Doug. He saw her brown eyes pointing off to his left. A hissing, clicking sound filled the dank hole they stood in. Doug slowly turned his body around to face the killer. The man's mouth went agape as a creature stared him in the face.

It looked like a centipede, but towered over Doug at a solid 10 feet. It's lifeless, paneled eyes gleamed in the darkness. It's dark orange carapace shone, showing off patches of black littered on its body. A pair of ripping, crab-like claws snapped just under its head, armed with a pair of enormous, flesh-flaying mandibles that put even garden shears to shame.

Doug's boner was now completly gone. The centipede darted forward and snapped its claws. Suddenly, Doug stared down at his neck and saw a fountain of blood shooting from his wound. Priscilla stood in terror, gagging at the ghastly wound. The centipede chattered. It slowly leaned forward, it's horrific jaws opening to their full extent and wrapping around Doug's spurting neck. Priscilla shreiked as the big bug's jaws closed over Doug's neck, slowly scissoring into his flesh. Doug gagged and screamed but the noises stopped suddenly when the insect seperated the man's head from his body. The head hit the floor with a sickening thud, while the rest of the body fell to it's knees, a dark fountain of blood jetting and spraying from the unspeakable wound.

As soon as Doug's corpse went limp, the centipede turned its carnivorous gaze to Priscilla. The bug scuttled forward, then leaped, but Priscilla dodged the monster in time. She did a roll on the hard, wet ground and hastily snatched the rifle. The beast turned its head, snarling in a way only insects can. Priscilla let loose with the firepower, sending the insect's fragile head exploding into green, gooey chunks. Its slithering form went limp as well.

Panicked and crying, Priscilla called up on the radio, but much to her shock, was greeted with gunfire and screams on all channels. She turned off the radio and began crying. But the crying only lasted so long. She was strong, so she decided to buck up and fight her way out if nessecary. Calmed down, the girl soldier darted through the blackness and up the stairs where she and Doug first entered. She called up on the radio once more for her comrades, but got little more than static.

Priscilla opened the door at the top of the dark stairs, and was greeted by John. At first she was glad to see him standing, alive. But he was only so. She saw the blood-dripping stump where John's left arm used to be. Priscilla yelped, disgusted. Without haste, she called up Ryan and told him to get the bird ready for takeoff. Wrapping the mutilated John over her shoulder, the two limped out of there, but not without a fight. Hot on their tail was not a centipede, but a swarm of pigeon-sized mosquitos. Their irratating buzzing now increased to an ear-piercing frequency, the bloodsuckers flew at the duo quickly in an almost coordinated fashion. The gunfire ripped through them like nothing. The next obstacle was a spider the size of a refrigerator. It put up a fight, but was no match for more machine gun fire. As the they reached the exits, she leaned over to John to report their near-escape but watched in horror as a fist-sized horsefly sucked fluids from his lifeless skull. She let go. John hit the floor, his corpse inadverdently killing the horsefly with a stomach-turning squish.

The exit was nearly in site now, but as she reached for the rotating doors, the floor collapsed in around her. A snapping figure crawled out of the wreckage, presenting itself as a gargantuan, mutated specimen of an antlion larva. The arthropodic beastie snapped it's jaws, similar to those of the centipede's, wildly. In doing so, it tore a chunk of flesh messily from Priscilla's right leg. She screamed in shear agony. The blood trickling down the bug's throat only seemed to make it hunger more for flesh, so it began going into a wild frenzy, snapping out spastically in all directions. Priscilla had enough. She had just enough ammo left to finish this big bastard off. She inched backwards into a corner, aimed at the homicidal giant bug. "Don't fuck with man." A torrent of fire let loose, tearing apart the monster, it's primitive flesh flying in alll directions. Before long, its blood-crazed form moved no more.

Priscilla finally limped out of the doors to the chopper. As she slid open the door, Ryan aimed his shotgun at her face. Panicked, she ducked, allowing for Ryan to blow away a dog-sized mantis coming right at them with one single blast. Her wound soon patched up, the two flew back to base. Looking back down at the lab one last time, Priscilla saw it crawling with overgrown arthropods emerging out of every nook and cranny. She turned away fast, wondering if it would be right to send more innocents back here, or simply just to let nature take its course. She kept thinking, face blank, not saying a word as Ryan slowly and nervously flew their withered bodies back to base.

Pinhead
07-19-2009, 11:58 AM
Like that!!

Nightflyer
08-09-2009, 12:14 AM
I started reading but could not finish - there are a lot of grammar errors and your choice of wording detracted from the read. Also inserting dialogue character names half way should not have been done.

Try to also flesh it out - more detail for suspense and make the characters more believable. Ex: Explain why Doug would choose a search and rescue op to try and rape his colleague - Is he simply crazy or a moron?

JMT
Nightflyer