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  1. #22881
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    Cabin Fever (2016)

    Prior to reviewing this, I wanted to make sure that everyone knows I have little love for the original Cabin Fever. Aside from a cute actress, I thought it was a good idea butchered by a sloppy and needlessly comedic. For this remake, a few of the problems are fixed, but it's not altogether that much better a movie (though I do feel it's a better movie). What they did right: most of the comedic elements are taken out of this version (though some of the stupidity remains, such as the Pancakes kid), which is a step in the right direction. The last twenty minutes went in a different direction, and while there were problems (I'll get into them later), overall, I felt the ending was decently stronger. Onto the bad, the main issue is that the first half of the film is a scene-by-scene, line-by-line copy of the original, give or take a few lines, which really should not be the point of a remake, in my opinion. Still, it was a better first half than the original, which at the very least is something. Deputy Winston, the party cop, was a major problem I had with the original, and while the character (played this time by a female) still has those party tenancies, there's a slight redemption near the end. The same hillbilly idiots in the original film are present here also, and do the same idiotic actions. On the upside, the local authorities seem to be actually dealing with the contagion as opposed to covering it up. Really, the end as a whole is better, but there were two portions that seemed unnecessary, one including the Pancakes Boy and a post-credit scene that seemed beyond pointless. The main problem with this remake is that it tries to be the original movie, keeping the script, as opposed to using the ideas from the original and crafting a new story, which would have had been ideal. This remake wasn't something we needed, but it was moderately welcomed. At the very least, it was better than the original. Still lacks much of what I'd have wished for in a movie about a flesh-eating disease. 5/10.

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    "I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

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    Valentine, 2001. 7,5/10






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  3. #22883
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    The Amityville Legacy (2016)

    At an hour and six minutes (though really, 58 minutes, as everything afterwards is credits), this low-budget movie was able to fit a decent, and surprisingly dark, plot in. The premise is simple enough. Celebrating his 50th birthday with his children, Mark, after unwrapping a toy monkey, slowly becomes influenced into butchering his children and their relations. For such a short film, there was no lack of additional characters. Mark, being the good Catholic that he is, has five children. Two of the children have a significant other. And that's not mentioning Mark's mother, who also lives with him, or his late wife's sister and daughter, who are also visiting. So this movie has more than a few characters shoved in. But you know what? It manages to work despite that. Though surprising, I was mostly able to keep each character separated, for the most part, which really helped out in the second half of the film. Speaking of which, given the fact the movie's quite short, most of the action doesn't occur until there's just twenty minutes left, so things tended to feel a bit rushed. The idea of a father going on a rampage and killing his children and others in the house was a fun one, though not the best executed on the budget constraints they did. That said, I actually rather enjoyed this one. An ultra-low quality film, and one that's not likely to appeal to most, but I don't see how it's much worse than many other films. 7/10.

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    "I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

  4. #22884
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    Fender Bender (2016)

    Mark Pavia, the director of this film, also directed a movie I rather enjoyed, being 1997's The Night Flier. Here's what's interesting: The Night Flier was the last film that Pavia directed before this one. So it's been just under twenty years since Pavia's directed anything, and one would (reasonably) think that after such an extended hiatus, he'd be able to craft, at the very least, a movie on par with his last work. Sadly, that's not the case here. 17-year old Hilary (played by Makenzie Vega) gets into a fender bender with an odd individual, and later that night, the man attempts to kill her and her friends. It's not necessarily all that amazing or creative a plot. What holds it back most, though, is the fact that, save the opening sequence of the movie, it takes a while for the horror elements to come into the film. The movie's a normal-length film, at just around an hour and thirty minutes, and it's not until an hour in that the killer actually starts making an appearance. Before that, there were some tense scenes, but it was nowhere near enough. Truth be told, though I liked Hilary and her two friends, I was bored for a large portion of the film. When things do start happening, nothing really stands out in those scenes either. The ending wasn't a bad one, but it wasn't overly satisfying either, and the killer's final words make little sense. So the story is rather average, and the only thing it can really boast is decent production value and a somewhat cool (if not generic) looking killer. The kills aren't bad, and can even come across as brutal in a way, but much like the movie as a whole, they weren't memorable. Really, the most interesting thing about this movie are the names involved. Pavia's directorial involvement aside, our lead character is played by Makenzie Vega, who isn't a big name, but did play Lawrence Gordon's daughter in Saw, so it's a nice surprise to see that she's still acting and I have to say, does really well with her character. Her father in the movie is played by Steven Michael Quezada, who portrayed Steve Gomez in Breaking Bad, which was another nice surprise (though Quezada doesn't get much screen time). All-in-all, though, Fender Bender doesn't have that much to offer us as viewers, and it's really a forgettable experience. It's truly a shame that this is the product of a twenty year break. 5.5/10.

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    "I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

  6. #22886
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    Rings

    6/10, it was okay. Not as bad as everyone made it out to be, but not as good as I had hoped it would be either.

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    Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

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    Like, so many people out there were trying to track this down. And it just...got delivered on a tweet. What the hell.






    “Watch your thoughts, they become words;
    watch your words, they become actions;
    watch your actions, they become habits;
    watch your habits, they become character;
    watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

  8. #22888
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    Miles Before Sleep (2016)

    Two inbred country brothers assault four individuals from the city for being sinners, while the third brother battles with himself, and whether or not he should intervene in his brothers' quest to clean the world from the wicked. It's a mildly fun plot, albeit not that complicated. Miles Before Sleep has a lot of heart, in my estimation. It's a short film (under an hour, and the last six minutes or so are outtakes anyway), but does a good job of not waiting until the end to pick up. Which is a minor complain also; while the fun might be in the chase, I'm not sure how much fun I had watching these individuals trying to escape the two brothers (plus their mute sister) over and over again. Around the forty minute mark, I did feel as though it was dragging a bit. But that aside, the ending was an okay one (and the flashbacks strewn throughout the film were welcomed, because while we didn't need background information on the killers and their family, I thought it was a nice touch). A funny thing I wanted to point out: Valentine, who is the hesitant third brother (and infinitely more civilized) was played by the director of the film, Michael Taylor Pritt. No matter how much I tried, every time I saw Pritt on screen, I couldn't help but think of John Bradley (who portrays Samwell Tarley in Game of Thrones). The two insane brothers (being Christian's one thing, but they take it to another level) did their jobs well, and overall, despite the low budget of the film, I thought everyone did a pretty decent job. The story's nothing overly creative, but I had fun with it (the outtakes themselves were quite enjoyable also), so I'd recommend seeking this out if lower-budget movies are your thing (though as it has less than five votes on IMDb, I don't know how widely available it is). 7/10.


    *Thanks to Havok, an online horror friend of mine, for making this movie available to watch.*

    Sam-nights-watch-24752074-500-281.jpg samwell.jpg

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    Last edited by JigsawX; 02-16-2017 at 08:25 AM.

    "I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

  9. #22889
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    Quote Originally Posted by bravenewworld1 View Post
    Ah.
    Great flick.
    Much better than the completely nonsensical hollywood version.

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    Pet (2016)

    This was an interesting film. While I expected some of the twists throughout the film, others came as a surprise, which is a positive thing. The shift in the film that occurs a little over halfway into the movie was a unique one, and changes the dynamics of the movie and the characters. Hell, for the most part, I even liked the ending. It's not perfect, of course. I thought portions were extremely unrealistic, especially toward the end, and I have doubts about how the “solution” to the problem, as it was. I have to admit also, as much as I thought the main twist was interesting, I lost interest a bit, as the rest of the movie seemed to fall into a suspected mold. All-in-all, though, the positives outweigh the benefits. The problem is, while it's a technically fine film, and I had little qualms with it aside from what's been mentioned, the movie didn't do a lot for me. It's reminiscent of Green Room, actually – I liked the movie, but beyond a slightly positive outlook, it didn't stand out. While Pet's plot is a memorable one, I find myself feeling lukewarm toward it. It's not that it's a bad movie, it just didn't do much for me. Because of that, I'll rate it around average, though to others, I'd suspect a warmer reception to it. 7/10.

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    "I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

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    Quote Originally Posted by IKickAssForTheLord View Post
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    "A Fucking Firebird"!

    I love this movie!

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    An American haunting

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    K-Shop, 2016. 7/10





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    Seclusion (2015)

    In Seclusion, a group of friends are slowly killed off while they're at an isolated cabin for a destination wedding. As this movie is mostly moved by characterization, and there's not that many characters to speak of (eight total cast members, not counting the extras at the beginning), it'd have been really easy for the movie to fail, but actually, it mostly worked out moderately well. While the plot isn't overly creative, the interaction between the characters seemed real and accomplished it's goal. As for the identity of the killer, that's more a mixed bag. There's plenty of red herrings throughout the film, and while they skirted that with the reveal, things still weren't done as well as they could have been. I don't even know if the killer could realistically killed those that died, as the time-frame seems off. That's not mentioning a scene prior to the reveal, which seems to contradict what was revealed after. Basically, a few scenes needed tightening up a bit. Another thing worth mentioning is the music, which seems to be stock violin music. It's difficult for me to explain, but the music sounded really cheap, for lack of a better word. To end on a positive note, though, most of the actors and actresses did a pretty fine job. Nicole Pacent (who's character I am still mixed on) stole the scenes she was in, Alyson McKenzie Wells did a perfect blonde airhead slut, and while Matthew Wise wasn't remarkable, his character wasn't either, so all's well there. The only problem I had insofar as acting's concerned is Clea Alsip. Throughout the film, she was a sappy newlywed, never missing a chance to tell her new husband that she loves him. I know there are people like that out there, but in the situation they were in, it sort of got on my nerves. Seclusion isn't going to win any awards, but it was a pleasant enough movie made average by a failure to fully explain a scene or two, and adding in some unnecessary red herrings. All things considered, this probably falls somewhere around being average. 7/10.

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    "I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

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