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  1. #61
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    Halloween 2

    PLOT
    Halloween aint over yet, Michael Myers is still alive and going on a killing spree. He tracks Laurie down to the hospital the cops have taken her too. The night of terror isn't over yet...Yeah what is a so-so plot is a bad script which ends up a bad movie.

    5/10

    SCRIPT
    Ok, so why is Mychael Myers not using his knife or pulling off any juicy kills in this crap fest? Seriously, he drains a bitch of all her blood and synringes a nurse in the head.

    What the fuck is going on here? This isnt the killing machine that got things taken care of fast, this is congressionally retarded.

    There isnt any real character development in this film, and everyone in it is a tard too. Cautious and paranoid Dr.loomis is now professor plot point, Laurie is doped up and out of most of the film, pretty much every character in the movie is fodder.

    I won't even go into Carpenters attempted 'samhain'' explination..thingy..which is above and beyond dumb.

    Bad, BAD script and sequel to a pretty good suspence film.

    4/10

    ACTING
    Pleasence isnt bad even though loomis is a clitz in this film, Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode isnt bad, but she gets to do nothing in this movie. Ok she gets to fire 2 shots into Myers and thats it.

    Everyone else isnt worht mentioning as they're just walking around with signs on their backs that say 'insert knife here'.

    6/10

    EDITING
    Slow film with nothing going on, no major story and lame kills. it does have one of the best 'cheap thrills' when Myers kills his first victim in this movie.

    With a larger cast of fodder and what not you'd expect more character and things going on. That was asking for too much apparently.

    6/10

    MUSIC
    Diarrea in a synthosizer.It has none of the atmosphere or impact it did when Carpenter did the music in the firts film.

    1/10

    CINEMATOGROPHY
    Pale imitation of the first film, doesn't have any of the same atmosphere or tone, this feels more like high school at the hospital.

    5/10

    DIRECTION
    Doesnt match the original at all. Feels out of place and just not..right.

    5/10

    FUN FACTOR
    It's never fun watching a bad sequel to a good film. Especially when you connected with the first film.

    3/10

    CHEESE!
    Yep, its the bad cheese removing points instead of giving them. This dumb clumsy film just hurts to watch. Characters you dont care about and characters you do care about getting shafted.

    -5/10

    OVERALL

    30/90 = 'F'

    Set your expectations to 'shun'.

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  2. #62
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    Man, that is one low score for Halloween 2! I can watch that movie over and over and still have fun... it may not be the most original or most well thought out, but it's got the slasher goods in my book.

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    chinese... good choice...

  3. #63
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    I thought that was low too.

    Wrong Turn 2

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  4. #64
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    H2 was a total piece o' crap.

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  5. #65
    hardass when it comes to films
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    Ringu

    Quote Originally Posted by steelba View Post
    I thought that was low too.

    Wrong Turn 2
    Cant help it I fucking hate halloween 2 for screwing up what could have been agod seqeul. Carpenter had a nice plot set up but no follow through.

    I wont be able to get to Wrong turn 2 until either sunday or monday Steelba. My schedules kind of iffy now. What with trying to fucking finish animating episode one of 'red head' (comp issues), get an episode of 'the crimson comedy' on youtube(actress issues), finish a short film for a halloween fest(lazyness/sanity issues), pass 'Deductive logic'(school issues) while tying to balance an egg on a spoon being chased by homosexual gansters in China can take a lot out of me.

    PLOT
    If you watch a cursed tape, you die one week later. A reporter looks into this urband legend only to find out its true and now its after her, and her son. She sonly got one week to unravel a mystery of murder and horror before the ghost gets her and her son.

    Charming plot, I really dug it. Very original and has has that japanese horror flavor I just really cant resist.

    7/10

    SCRIPT
    Where th emovie falls apart. this is a script of convineince to me. Yes I know the japanese love having tension and nothign happen until the last 15 minutes of amovie, but 75 minutes of nothing but little clues, no action, lam eflash backs and one of THE most dismal plot points ever just really make sme mad.

    All of a sudden 65 minutes into the film we find out Reiko's ex husband is Psychic and uses that ability to get the truth out of a retired scientist who abused the ghost girl of doom when she was alive.

    What the fuck kind of screenwriting uis that? We shoudl have known this sooner, Fuck, the character himself should have been using this ability all fucking along to figure things out. The bastards son is gonna die in a week and he waits until day six to reveal this ability. Really weak. This should have been introduced in act one.

    Also the character of Reiko the Reporter, the most obnoxious heroine I've seen since....ever. There isnt any realy character development here either.

    In the final act when she adn her husband are trying to dig up Satoko's body she's bitching and whinign "I cant, its too hard! I cant', SHUT UP!!!!!!!

    Jesus CHRIST how fucking annoying!WHAT!? This goes on for FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT!?

    4/10

    ACTING
    Move along, nothing to see here. Just be about your business.Though I find myself wanting to bury the actress who portrayed Reiko upside down in all the fucking mud in that well to shut her up...yes, that'd please me. SCREAM NOW BITCH! SCREAM!SCREAAAAM YOU WEAK ASS CHARACTER!

    Your bastard son's got 15 minutes to die and you cant step up to plate and just keep digging up that goddamn mud!? DIE ALREADY!

    4/10

    MUSIC
    Was there music? I was too fucking bored to notice anything.Must have blended in with the background until the last 5 minutes like everything else in the movie.

    2/10

    EDITING
    this movie has no pacing, it just has shots that continue on and on and create a story slower than a partially illiterate naracleptic reading the bible...the entire bible.

    2/10

    CINEMATOGROPHY
    Has a medium creepy look with lots of dark backgrounds and soem nice lighting. But who gives a fuck, the movie doesnt do anything until the last 5 minutes.

    5/10

    DIRECTION
    Hideo Naketa got famous for THIS!? Christ, I've scarier shit on 'hot or not'. This film has little suspence, little atmosphrere, yes it has a dark tone, but shit for characters, no scares and questionable parents.

    3/10

    FUN FACTOR
    Not an easy watch or afun one.

    3/10

    CHEESE!
    The cheese..THE CHEESE, MY GOD THE BAD CHEESE IS EVWERYWHERE!!

    -7/10

    OVERALL
    23/90= 'F'

    Fuck this movie and all its weak goddamn hype. Anyone who gets scared by this shit is a bigger pussy than John Edwards.

    If there is anyone who's been scared by Ringu, check out K-mart for sales on tampons. Cause this is just pathetic.

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    Last edited by Wrathborne; 10-17-2007 at 09:43 PM.
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  6. #66
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    Agreed on Ringu, don't know why it got all that praise...

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  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by steelba View Post
    Agreed on Ringu, don't know why it got all that praise...
    Because people are, and will always be stupid. Nothing we can do but move on and avoid Paul W.S Anderon, Uwe Boll and Ridley and Tony scott films.

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  8. #68
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    Resident Evil

    I'm in a bad mood tonight so I figured I'd review the one movie that was my own origin into the world of cinema. I hate this film and the man who made it so much I don't even know if theres a way to rate it. This will not be a kidn review, and I will beat the shit out of this film.

    PLOT
    A stupid scientist decides to steal the t-virus so he can make a mint of it, what better way to cover up theft than releasing a biological weapon in the same research lab that you're TRYING TO GET OUT OF.

    SO the evil umbrella corportations ends in an 'elite' squad of fodder to find out what happened and they come accross a clueless woman in a red dress with bee sting titties and another man who's skulking around the mansion trying to find his sister.

    When the video game series finally explained what happened to the Arklay mansion facility there was good explination as to how this mess happned in the first place.

    A retard who wants some extra income releasing a virus just one room behind himself and expecting to escape and sell this on e-bay is about a slogical as making Hitler an orderly at a jewish Hospital.

    3/10

    SCRIPT
    This is a TERRIBLE script. I gave 'the incredible melting man'a lot of shit, but at least the screenwriters came up with something on their own. This movie, has no originality at all.

    'Written' by Paul W.S Anderson, instead of takign Ques from the popular video game series, he opts to tell the saga of Resident evil as only he can. Via Plagurism from better films.

    The character 'Alice' and her 'amnesia' story arc, is ripped off from Renny Harlins 'the long kiss goodnight'.
    ALice is also yet another 'Ripley' rip off.

    The character 'Rain' is stolen and is actually 'Vasquez from James Cameron's 'Aliens'.

    The 'lazer trap' death in which a man is sliced up into peices? Stolen from 'Cube'

    The evil computer that wants to kill people? Stolen from 'Space odessy 2001'

    The scene with the weiner who's gonna kill himself but at the last minute opts to pluga zombie and escape? Stolen from Romero's 'Dawn of the dead'

    The rest of the characters from the movie are all nothing. They're just there to die. The fight scenes in the movie are nothing but direct to video matrix battles.

    What pissed me off imesnssly though, is that in the first 30 seconds of this 'movie' the big plot point from the first game is given away. The Umbrella corporation is evil. There's no element of mystery about why all this is happening like in the game, you're just flat out told, 'Umbrella= bad'.

    The mystery factor of the games was one of the best elements, what kind of a fucktard wastes a good plot point? The guy who ruined Aliens vs Predator obviously.

    1/10

    ACTING
    Milla Jovovich is piss poor T and A, and a rotten actress to boot, so why the fuck is this rancid cunt the lead character of this shitfest? Oh wait, she' fucked the director a few times. never mind.

    Michelle 'Butch' Rodriguez 'performance' as an obviously closet gay wimp of a dominatrix who's always angry and doesnt do anything but bitch and drain the film of any interest.

    Were there any othe ractors/ I just remember peopel on the screen for about 5 minutes before dying some of THE most pathetic PG-13 deaths in an 'R' rated movie ever.

    There's so much emphasis on Jovovich and Rodriguez for no reason whatsoever. Neither are good actresses or T and A.

    Colin Salmon who is a fine actor is once again denied being able to do anything on camera.

    3/10

    EDITING
    ...BOOOOOOOOOORING. When something does happen it's too short, and then the rest of the film is exposition, or stupid scenes of characters talking about themselves. Considarign there's nothing to talk about you see why this is boring shit. Did I mention the fact there's no fucking gore at all in this film?

    3/10

    MUSIC
    ..Can someone turn this shit down? Marylin Mason sucks. Where's all the gothic orchastarted music that created the perfect atmosphere of dread in the games? Why is there this loudpretentious bullshit playing almost non stop? Fuckign weak.

    2/10

    EFFECTS
    A terrible CGI licker, zombies that are about as scary as a crunch berry stuck to the wall, and NO gore whatsoever. Yes a zombie gets its legs chopped off,ooh once zombie is on fire, and one zombie gets its neck brocken..Big fuckign deal. Where are the goddamn head explosions? Wher'es the fucking flesh eating and dripping entrails? Where's the fuckign meat for chrisakes? this is a goddamn vegetarian zombie film!

    2/10

    DIRECTION
    Yeah you KNOW I aint gonna give this fuck any credit at all here. He's stolen the set's from 'Aliens' and the jurassic park labs to make this rancid shit.

    0/10

    FUNFACTOR
    This is not a fun movie in any way to watch in my opinion. If you've seen 'day of the dead' , 'the matrix', 'the long kiss goodnight' and 'aliens' You've seen resident evil. the onyl difference is that these films had quality to them Even though I still don't like 'day', its ten times bette rthan this hsit.

    1/10

    CHEESE!
    So..fucking retarded it hurts...
    -10/10

    OVERALL

    5/90= 'F'

    Dont watch this movie, dont watch its sequels, don't support Anderson. We've gpt to put a stop to this shit before it really gets out of hand.

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  9. #69
    The Stoner In The Horror Movie
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    thats coo and all, but gonna have to say Fuck You on the whole Milla Jovovich is a bad actress... I thought she was pretty good in Dazed And Confused

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  10. #70
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    HAHA, Dazed and Confused? She had like, 1 line lol. But yeah she kicks ass.

    Anyways, I think you use the world stolen too loosely. Because honestly, everything in the cinema world is stolen from something else. Hasn't been a truly original thought in the world since probably the 60's/70's.

    And PS, Michelle Rodriguez has been known as a lesbian for a long while now. I think the term "closet gay wimp" is both inaccurate and a large sign that you're a douchebag :loser:

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  11. #71
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    the other half is dealing with
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    I hate critics.

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  12. #72
    The Stoner In The Horror Movie
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    Quote Originally Posted by BooBerry View Post
    HAHA, Dazed and Confused? She had like, 1 line lol. But yeah she kicks ass.

    Anyways, I think you use the world stolen too loosely. Because honestly, everything in the cinema world is stolen from something else. Hasn't been a truly original thought in the world since probably the 60's/70's.

    And PS, Michelle Rodriguez has been known as a lesbian for a long while now. I think the term "closet gay wimp" is both inaccurate and a large sign that you're a douchebag :loser:
    She had that Alien Song which was kick ass! And I never knew Michelle Rodriguez was a lezbo... huh

    Edit: nevermind she ain't a lezbo... she was just bi-curious

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  13. #73
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    Haha, "Watch them fly.......... away...."

    Best film ever.

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  14. #74
    The Stoner In The Horror Movie
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    Quote Originally Posted by BooBerry View Post
    Haha, "Watch them fly.......... away...."

    Best film ever.
    LOL, I love that part of the movie...Martha Washington Was a hipe hipe hipe Lady!

    And the whole Dollar Bill part also... "And Its Green"

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  15. #75
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    Milla isn't a good actress and I don't think she's overly hot.
    Where's the boobs?!
    RE isn't an F imo, but it is a D.

    Super critical review.

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    Quote Originally Posted by steelba View Post
    Milla isn't a good actress and I don't think she's overly hot.
    Where's the boobs?!
    RE isn't an F imo, but it is a D.

    Super critical review.
    I was just kiddin' 'bout that... I mean I've seen the whole RE movies and never thought of them bein' good and I think the other movie I saw her in was The Fifth Element, and that wasn't great.... I pretty much just liked her in Dazed And Confused.

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  17. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by BooBerry View Post
    And PS, Michelle Rodriguez has been known as a lesbian for a long while now. I think the term "closet gay wimp" is both inaccurate and a large sign that you're a douchebag :loser:
    Was refering to the character in the movie not the actress dumbass.I dotn give a fuck if Rodriguez is bi, gay or likes doing it with animals while eating banana's and chanting 'i R tough' while printing copies of 'mein kampf' shes still a bad actress.

    You guys don't have to like the reviews I'm doing, feel free to diagree with them.

    But dont resort to 'ad hominem' just because you dont like my perspective.

    Steelba's right this was a super critical review of this film.
    The reason is that Anderson is more blatant when it comes to using the works of others when he smaking afilm.

    If he's gonna be blatant then I'll do the same.

    I mean fuck, Least Michael Bay is a little mrioe suttle when he steals.

    Tonights review will be late,most likelly midnight or so.

    Best watch out 'kingofhell', I still gots 2 weeks of movies to review. > : )

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  18. #78
    Diz mutha F'er got banned!
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    Actually I think you hit the nail right on the head about everything about that worthless movie Resident Evil. Paul Anderson is one of the biggest disgraces to movies in the history of cinema, Milla Jovovich is probably one of the worst of the popular actresses out there. I'd buy Tom Cruise as being a badass sooner than I would Milla.

    As far as Michelle Rodriguez goes...Well they deserve credit for finding someone that's worse than Milla. Rodriguez couldn't act beyond a high school play level to save her life. She should probably just stick to what she's good at, getting drunk and then running over people

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  19. #79
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    Silent Hill

    Wow, wasnt expecting to get any support or find someone who agreed with me on how I felt about this shit. Well the review is late but here it is.

    PLOT
    A mother at her wits end takes her sick adopted daughter to 'Silent Hill' as the child has a habit of sleep walking and screaming 'silent hill' in her sleep. So naturally she decides to not tell her husband shes sneaking off to get help for their daughter and manages to kill herself and her daughter on the way. They end up in Silent hill and encoutner many MANY pretentious boring scenes.

    Yes this does take some of the games story, but the games story made sense, it was creepy and atmospheric and yes it was slow, but it had so many little things going on there was enough there to enjoy.

    This has repetative deus ex machina.

    2/10

    SCRIPT
    Despite somehow managing to win an Oscar for co-writing 'pulp fiction' over a decade ago, Roger Avery has managed to prove himself every bit as worthless a screenwriter as Paul W.S Anderson.

    He's turned Silent hill into 'hellraiser' meets 'the crucible'. The story of the film is a mother trying to save her daughter from this evil town and the monsters in it.

    But the movie makes more sense if you look at it a closet gay mother running off with the local lesbian bike cop to start a new life in Silent Hill only to be persecuted by the religious fanatics, and sputing off some of the worst most pretentious dialogue ever written.

    Lines like 'a mother is god in the eyes of a child' will rattle around your skull and make you grimace at how bush fucking stupid those words sound when you put them into a sentence.

    There is no character development, no action scenes to speak of, no one to care about and people doing stupid, stupid things for two hours.

    What makes things worse is that about 30 seconds after an evil monster shows up and things get questionable, deus ex machina kicks in. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    Rogery Avary, I want to take your oscar, incinerate it, and piss on the ashes...and I want my $9.25 back you hack.

    2/10

    ACTING
    Radha Mitchel, after your terrible performance as a child endagering darwin award winner I dont ever want to see you in a movie again. The fact that the first 45 minutes of the film have you repeating nothing but 'SHARON!' every other minute is just really over the top obnoxious.

    Laurie Holden as officer Cybill C. Fodder, who's job it is to be an empty headed martyr adds nothing to the film over than a reason not to watch it.

    Sean Bean as the unlucky husband of a darwin award winner doesnt do a bad performance, but he doesnt get to do anything in the film.

    Neither does anyone else in this 'buzz killer'.I wotn get started by how annoying stupid little girl/evil princess is.

    3/10

    EDITING
    Christ, this is taking forever, can something PLEASE happen thats worth noticing?I'm sick of watching Radha Mitchell crying out 'Sharon!' every two fucking minutes.
    I'm sick of there being no action scenes, or suspence, or anything going on.
    This movie has the pacing of a narcaleptic snail climbing a mountain!

    3/10

    SPECIAL EFFECTS
    unconvincing renditions of the monsters from the games...check.
    Bad CGI cockroaches and bodybag monsters? Check.
    Unscary version of Pyramid head? check.
    Hellraiser rip off in the films climax? check.

    5/10

    CINEMATROGROPHY
    Well...it looks like Silent Hill, and it has some artysness too it. but you know, I dont care. More time was spent on trying to make it look like Silent Hill from the game than anything else.

    6/10

    DIRECTION
    Yawn, yes it's pretty visually in some areas, but mainly its about as interesting as watching a nail rust. The 'monsters' are al laughable and only present for maybe a few moments and thats it. The insane puritan towns people are above and beyond levels of congressional retardation spoofed on 'family guy' and 'the daily show'.
    Gans control over this film and the world inspired by a unique game is very poor and hes more focused on getting the look of silent hill rather than the depth, suspence and weirdness of it.

    3/10

    FUN FACTOR
    It's too boring and terrible crafted to be fun. This is just an incompetant film directed by a talented, but obviously confused director. I lost a lot of respect for Christophe Gans here.

    2/10

    CHEESE!
    Bad, BAD cheese. It works against this movie in everyway, Silent Hill has been turned into a gimmick rather than an indepth psychological story. This isnt silent hill, this is just Uve Boll with a little more quality.

    -10/10

    15/90 = Big fat fucking 'F'

    This film should never be watched by anyone. Much like resident Evil, it only takes the name of a popular game a few bits of the story and some monsters and proceeds to take a rancid dump on what made the games so good.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Last edited by Wrathborne; 10-20-2007 at 02:40 AM.
    'Just whoring myself a smidge'

    http://johnathan-wrathborne.newgrounds.com/

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  20. #80
    UHM's #1 Killer
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    I liked the atmosphere of the movie, but yeah it was pretty shitty.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
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