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  1. #1
    hardass when it comes to films
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    Indiana Jones and the playskool skull(spoilers)

    Ok I will NOT be forgiving with this review. The original series was maverick and deserved a 4th chapter to complement their greatness.

    I didnt want this film to suck at all. I wanted it to be on par with the original, or at the very least feel like the originals and provide an entertaining story..it didn't.

    PLOT
    Indy is dragged into UFO's a Confused commie soldiers in this half ass installment that is scifi channel quality writing.
    The plot itself? So-so. the line in the first film 'Hitlers after religious artifacts' is now changed to 'Stalin is after religious artifacts' and we have our clumsy adventure begin.

    While Indy has never needed a great plot to get him going, this is just rehash.
    5/10

    SCRIPT
    Almost godfucking awful, is this supposed to be a comedy? because character interaction and intelligence has been replaced by one liners as well as half assed cartoon dialog.

    Concepts are introduced and abandoned faster than my faith in Speilberg. Spalko is supposed to be into psychic research and have some abilities herself right? Nope, just for scene one, no more of that is needed. The audience couldn't be interested in her as a character, surely she couldn't have had any development like Rene Belloq from the first film. Bull fucking shit.

    This isnt a movie script, its a fucking Saturday morning cartoon with big budget. Worst of all, it doesnt even feel like an Indiana jones film. Its just bad fan fiction, David Koepp is officially on the level of Paul W.S Anderson as a screenwriter. That fucking bad.

    Seriously, anyone who comes up with the idea of Indiana Jones surviving an atomic bomb blast at Ground zero is dumber than a pile of shit that thinks its a flower.
    3/10

    ACTING
    Only thing decent in this film are the actors, not that they get to perform much with this. The legendary Harrison Ford's skills as an actor haven't aged even though he as, but in this film he doesnt get to act much. Indy really doesn't have anything to him as a character here. Ford manages to breath some life into this shallow imitation that Koepp and Lucas wrote, but not much.

    Shia Lebouf isn't bad, but Mutt Williams falls into the same category, and yeah its obvious Mutt is Joneses son. No surprise when its revealed, but the interaction between these two is only fun because of the fact Ford and LeBouf.

    Cate Blanchette is wasted here, she has a goof performance, but it shifts to mediocre fast, Spalko has nothing to do in this film but brood, give an exposition and a brief sword fight.

    The remaining actors do what they can with their own half assed characters and add a smidge of charm, but thats all they can manage with this film.
    7/10

    MUSIC
    John WIlliams..who's created many epic themes for this series...creates decent elevator music in this one. yes, its that bland. It feel so distant and empty.
    4/10

    SPECIAL EFFECTS
    ..for a movie that had a 185 million dollar budget it really had bad effects, I know they didnt want perfect effects so the look would match the old films...but for christsake, it looks like film student work half the time.
    5/10

    CINEMATOGRAPHY
    The look of the film...fails. The dark mysterious atmosphere, look and tone of the originals is gone in this bright sunny day at the park film. There are only 2 scenes of dark foreboding atmosphere, everything else is..bright happy blandness.
    3/10

    PACING

    SLOW...BORING...CRAP...AT no time is there an even pace in this movie...its like car stuck in park.
    4/10

    DIRECTION
    Steven Speilberg..one of the greatest directors ever, who's created masterpieces like 'saving private Ryan', 'Schindlers list', and 'Jaws'...'Boll's' this movie. He in no way matches his previous Jones trilogy talent and ingenuity, and instead gives a direct to dvd product thats noth worth a rental.

    3/10

    FUNFACTOR
    Its mildly entertaining, but you never feel anyone is in danger, there is no real drama, it tries to be a PG light comedy(no violence of the previous trilogy is present in any way) and is the biggest disappointment in cinema I've seen in along time.

    5/10

    OVERALL

    39/90= Big fat fucking 'F'.

    Lucas failed as a filmaker back in 1998 with episode one, Looks like Hes taking Spielberg with him. I don't think I need to watch anymore of Speilbergs work as a director, hes said all he has to say as a director. bastard needs to retire, hes lost his ability to make magic.

    This is 'Howard the duck' 2.0 people...pretend this film doesn't exist, it never should have in the first place.

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  2. #2
    Rotting Zealot
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    choptop2's Avatar
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    Mr. Lucas gone and broke your fanboy heart.




    Howard the Duck= awesome.


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  3. #3
    Horror Geek
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    hackerslacker's Avatar
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    howard the duck AGH

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    zzzzz

  4. #4
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    This movie looked awful from the previews.

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    Last edited by steelba; 05-27-2008 at 02:56 PM.



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  5. #5
    Average Joe
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    I fucking LOVED Howard the Duck that my friends is Lucas' best work.

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  6. #6
    Diz mutha F'er got banned!
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    Not a Indiana Jones fan.

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  7. #7
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    The originals were fun movies.

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  8. #8
    The Stoner In The Horror Movie
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    oh wrathborne gonna do this shit again?

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  9. #9
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    98% of his reviews are negative. If you're looking for a positive review, look elsewhere.

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  10. #10
    The Stoner In The Horror Movie
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    IKickAssForTheLord's Avatar
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    oh I figured that... his other reviews were crap. Plus I don't like the Indiana Jones series anyways.

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  11. #11
    hardass when it comes to films
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    Quote Originally Posted by steelba View Post
    98% of his reviews are negative. If you're looking for a positive review, look elsewhere.
    And who requested that I review a certain direct to dvd pile of shit last October and loved the review?

    But in this case yeah, the previews pretty much told you everything you needed to know about this crap fest. I say go watch Iron man again, damn fine film.

    IKAFTL, you never like my reviews anyway, now that you've said your peice off you go.

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    'Just whoring myself a smidge'

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  12. #12
    The Stoner In The Horror Movie
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    ur right I didn't like any of ur reviews, and I said what I wanted and now I go.

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  13. #13
    UHM's Horror DVD Informant
    UHM's Biggest Fuck Up.
     
    xxsic4slipknotxx's Avatar
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    I still haven't seen this yet and I'm looking forward to it. All I know right now is that it made $126 million at the box office this past weekend.

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  14. #14
    hardass when it comes to films
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    Quote Originally Posted by IKickAssForTheLord View Post
    ur right I didn't like any of ur reviews, and I said what I wanted and now I go.
    *waves goodbye*

    well, xxsic4slipknotxx you might get mor enejoyment out of it than I did. While the original films did push reality a lot, they didnt say 'Fuck reality, let smake him Atom Bomb Proof'

    Hope you enjoy the film, I didnt and am still sad about that. I wasnt expecting an epic, but I was expecting Indiana Jones.

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    'Just whoring myself a smidge'

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  15. #15
    UHM's Reverend
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    I didn't mind the movie much, but then again, I didn't have my expectations set very high either... There was a couple of things that shot beyond the limits of my suspension of disbelief (which I did set extremely high) and left me wanting to yell "OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!!!!" (the a-bomb, the water-falls, etc)...

    I get what you're saying about abandonning plot-points left and right as well, but I didn't think it impacted things as much as you did though...

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    Last edited by WarBeast; 05-27-2008 at 11:21 PM.


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  16. #16
    Chief of UHM
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    I just got back from it, and I gotta agree with the crappy reviews. This movie left me heart broken. Why use that term? Cuz I love Indiana Jones. I'm a huge fan of the originals. And I went into it thinking ok certain unbelievable things happen with Indy every now and then so I new to suspend my belief a bit, but come on! It happend over and over and over and OVER AGAIN.

    The special effects were HORRIBLE. Everything looks fake. Pretty much everything that happend in the jungle sequence was laughable. CGI monkeys, ants and groundhogs running around. I mean come on did they really need to CG the groundhog coming out of the ground in the beginning?? Thats just being lazy. I did like nod to the first film with the arc, but nothing could really save this movie.

    The new villains were crap, nothing to them at all. Just cookie cutter crap. Harrison was great with what he had, but he didn't have much. And don't even get me started on the alien storyline. Indiana Jones and aliens?? uhhhh no. And I keep hearing rumors about Shia Leboufs character getting his own movie. So be prepared people. Coming soon Mutt Williams and the curse of the dead horse.

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  17. #17
    Life... 2 inches to the left.
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    Watched it as a double feature with Iron Man at the local Drive-in Theatre. No comment on it cause it would be wasted in such a negative thread.

    By the by, Howard the Duck is a classis film.

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  18. #18
    Thrash or Die
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    hahaha isnt this like the 4th thread about the movie? I said it twice before, I was satisfied, Iknew it wanst going to be like the originals, the only sequel that was done well soooo long after its time in the spotlight was Rambo, so that was a suprise. But still I forgot who said it before, the alien plot fits with the 50's, I do agree though the A-Bomb part made me think WTF? but hey its a movie. I still wnat 1 more with toned down CGI, toned down jokes and like I said before a story set in acient mithology.

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