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  1. #1
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    I like my coffee black, and my zombie movies serious.

    After watching Dance of the Dead, I came to a firm decision. I am sick of these cheap jokes that litter the planet of Zombie movies. There's almost as many "comical" zombie depictions out there as there are serious ones. Now, when I was a child, watching these movies was a source of great entertainment. But as I grew older, when I watched these movies, something inside of me said

    "NO, NO, ZOMBIES DON'T DO THAT, WTF ARE YOU DOING!?"

    I have come to a strong belief of what my zombies should be like. Here is a list of things that come to mind.

    1. Stupid.
    This may not even be the right term, because to be stupid there would have to be the opposite end of the spectrum, being smart. But no matter what, a zombie can't think. Its frontal cortex is damaged from a state of decay, and all these things can do, is eat. If zombies could think they would be thinking something like this ".........". NOTHING. END OF STORY.

    2. 0 reasoning skills.
    A zombie should be able to have rational thought as much as the virus that controls it. No, they shouldn't pause to give you time to hug your girlfriend. No, they shouldn't circle around you in a tactical ambush. They smell meat, they find meat, they eat meat. Animal instincts at it's best.

    3. Talk
    This kind of falls under the stupid category. When a zombie talks it just makes me want to punch my throat and choke to death on my collapsed larynx.
    4.Zombies should NOT be funny.
    Zombies should never be funny except for when you are laughing AT them. Like when they take a bite out of someones ass, or fall off a cliff. Not when they are wise cracking zombies or trying to eat popcorn and when there's none left they go "UGHHHH!"

    In my history of watching zombie movies, I have come across two funny movies that actually worked for me. Brain Dead, and Shaun of the Dead. These worked but for different reasons. Lets look at Brain Dead. It's ridiculous, even as a Zombedy ( zombie comedy), it is just SO ridiculous. I couldn't even say anything bad about this movie if someone had a gun to my head. Fuck LOTR, go back to your roots Peter Jackson, long live Brain Dead.
    Now Shaun of the Dead. This movie was pretty great. The zombies in this were taken seriously so that they were slow moving mindless hordes of hungry flesh eaters. But the main characters, they made it comical. I believe that is the key, the zombies can't be funny, but the characters can take it upon themselves to pump out a laugh. I know that if zombies invaded my home town, I would be forced to try and throw a record at their heads at least once.

    I had also forgotten about Planet Terror ( the Grindhouse film). I'm not sure if this is even considered to be zombies? But hell, that was a damn good popcorn movie, that's exactly what it was intended to be.

    I'm done ranting, I just got bored and decided to beat down on the Zombedy genre. Just remember, this is only my opinion. You can have your own opinion, and feel free to tell me about it. I won't call you an idiot or say that you are wrong. This is just how I feel. Maybe you could sway my thought process on this?

    Scrilla out.

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    Last edited by Scrilla; 10-21-2008 at 03:10 PM.

  2. #2
    Child of the Grave
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    koolmike's Avatar
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    I like my z movies serious too...that's why I'm such a big fan of Night of the Living Dead '68. Felt like it was really happening the 1st time I saw it.

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    "Wake up sucker, we're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are."


  3. #3
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    Yes, thank you, I agree 100%. NOTLD 68 felt like they took a camera crew to a real life zombie outbreak.

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  4. #4
    Child of the Grave
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    I like it when the zombies are menacing, not to be taken lightly, although separately they appear harmless. Love the way Romero makes that happen in Night, Dawn, and Day.

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    "Wake up sucker, we're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are."


  5. #5
    The Idiot
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    I love zombie comedies/zombie films with comedy, and there are alot of good ones out there, like Dead and Breakfast, Special Dead, Undead, Shaun of the Dead, Bio-Zombie, Wild Zero, Versus, Redneck Zombies, Re-Animator, Braindead, Boy Eats Girl and Return of the Living Dead 1 and 2.

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  6. #6
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    Nothing wrong with zomedies.

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  7. #7
    Child of the Grave
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    Of course. But of the 2 types, I prefer serious zombie films.

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    "Wake up sucker, we're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are."


  8. #8
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    It's true you can sit down with a joint and laugh at the one liners in a zombedy. But that never changes my stance on when I see a zombie movie, I want it to be taken seriously. It's not a funny thing when hordes of undead cannibals rival your life. When I watch movies, I try and place myself in the characters shoes. That's probably why I take my Z movies seriously. I wouldn't be running around trying to kill zombies with a shoe horn or some shit. I'd first be trying to save my family and friends. Yes it's a bad idea, don't care. If I'm gonna live through a zombie apocalypse, I want some company. Then I'd be bunkering myself in, and living through the pain of every day life. Not trying to save a bunch of pretentious losers at my high school prom, who by the way, all suck.

    People you can save In a WWZ

    Friends.
    Family.
    Girlfriend/Boyfriend.
    Clean hookers.
    Anyone with a gun and tons of ammo.

    Saving your ex girlfriend is in a kind of limbo for me. What do you guys think?

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    Last edited by Scrilla; 10-21-2008 at 03:06 PM.

  9. #9
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    "Wake up sucker, we're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are."


  10. #10
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    Youtube isn't working for me right now. Not sure whats up with that?

    So koolmike, would you save an ex girlfriend from a zombie infest?

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  11. #11
    The Architect
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    FrighT MasteR's Avatar
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    I like'em both serious and comedic, depending on how the comedy is. Not a big fan of zombies using tools or machinery though

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  12. #12
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    Serious zombie movies are much better but it's ok every once in a while to laugh at a zombie comedy as long as it's not too stupid

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  13. #13
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    I find that when I sit down and a zombedy comes on, I cringe. I just can't stand them using tools ( like Fright Master said ) . Or having any sense of intelligence. I just have a preconception of what zombies are like and I don't stray far away from it.

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  14. #14
    The Architect
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    Were you not a fan of Return of the Living Dead?

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  15. #15
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    When I was younger, yes. As I got older and watched it again, not so much. I did like some scenes from that movie. The whole tank being the cause of it all. Even though it goes against what I believe, I still love the scene where the tank zombie sees the girl and says "BRAINS??". Also the severed dog was cool. But the movie as a whole, no thanks.

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  16. #16
    Rotting Zealot
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    I like my zombies serious too. I like them stupid and slow, but the DOTD remake did an okay job with making them fast.

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  17. #17
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    Yeah, I don't have a problem with the fast zombie. I mean, if you looked at it realistically. A fresh corpse would run at the speed which the deceased body did prior to being killed. Once riga mortis sets in though, the zombie would be well, very stiff jointed. Riga mortis sets in 2-4 hours after death and is complete in a period of 6-12. Now there's one dead stiff (haha), but in all actuality, that would be one slow moving corpse, hence the SLOW ZOMBIE!

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  18. #18
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    Looks like I'm about to bite the bullet again and download the movie "Fido". Well see how well this film fares off to my standards.

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  19. #19
    Rotting Zealot
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    The only good part about the Dawn Remake was the funny scene of them shooting zombie look a likes of celebrities.

    Idle Hands
    Evil Dead 2
    Dead Alive

    all examples of blending horror and comedy well. I'm also looking forward to seeing Troma's Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. 2 puns in one title?!? :bigthumbup:

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  20. #20
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    I'm talking strictly about zombies. Not possessed hands or dancing skeletal figures . But yes, I agree the two genres can mesh, I just don't like peoples attempts at adding in zombies.

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