After watching Dance of the Dead, I came to a firm decision. I am sick of these cheap jokes that litter the planet of Zombie movies. There's almost as many "comical" zombie depictions out there as there are serious ones. Now, when I was a child, watching these movies was a source of great entertainment. But as I grew older, when I watched these movies, something inside of me said
"NO, NO, ZOMBIES DON'T DO THAT, WTF ARE YOU DOING!?"
I have come to a strong belief of what my zombies should be like. Here is a list of things that come to mind.
1. Stupid.
This may not even be the right term, because to be stupid there would have to be the opposite end of the spectrum, being smart. But no matter what, a zombie can't think. Its frontal cortex is damaged from a state of decay, and all these things can do, is eat. If zombies could think they would be thinking something like this ".........". NOTHING. END OF STORY.
2. 0 reasoning skills.
A zombie should be able to have rational thought as much as the virus that controls it. No, they shouldn't pause to give you time to hug your girlfriend. No, they shouldn't circle around you in a tactical ambush. They smell meat, they find meat, they eat meat. Animal instincts at it's best.
3. Talk
This kind of falls under the stupid category. When a zombie talks it just makes me want to punch my throat and choke to death on my collapsed larynx.
4.Zombies should NOT be funny.
Zombies should never be funny except for when you are laughing AT them. Like when they take a bite out of someones ass, or fall off a cliff. Not when they are wise cracking zombies or trying to eat popcorn and when there's none left they go "UGHHHH!"
In my history of watching zombie movies, I have come across two funny movies that actually worked for me. Brain Dead, and Shaun of the Dead. These worked but for different reasons. Lets look at Brain Dead. It's ridiculous, even as a Zombedy ( zombie comedy), it is just SO ridiculous. I couldn't even say anything bad about this movie if someone had a gun to my head. Fuck LOTR, go back to your roots Peter Jackson, long live Brain Dead.
Now Shaun of the Dead. This movie was pretty great. The zombies in this were taken seriously so that they were slow moving mindless hordes of hungry flesh eaters. But the main characters, they made it comical. I believe that is the key, the zombies can't be funny, but the characters can take it upon themselves to pump out a laugh. I know that if zombies invaded my home town, I would be forced to try and throw a record at their heads at least once.
I had also forgotten about Planet Terror ( the Grindhouse film). I'm not sure if this is even considered to be zombies? But hell, that was a damn good popcorn movie, that's exactly what it was intended to be.
I'm done ranting, I just got bored and decided to beat down on the Zombedy genre. Just remember, this is only my opinion. You can have your own opinion, and feel free to tell me about it. I won't call you an idiot or say that you are wrong. This is just how
I feel. Maybe you could sway my thought process on this?
Scrilla out.