+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 14 of 14



  1. #1
    NewFound_Horror
    This user has no status.
     

    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    05-16-2009

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Member #
    8554
    Location
    The House On The End Of Your Street
    Posts
    2
    Threads
    1
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Breaking News: Jason Voorhees Test Positive For Steroids!

    Jason Voorhees answered one big question Friday, admitting his mother repeatedly injected him with a substance from the Crystal Lake. The Friday the 13th franchise star blamed his 2008 positive test on being old but yet having to feel new. "I knew we weren't taking Tic Tacs," nodded Jason, who was joined at the head table by victims who he had killed earlier in the franchise.

    Before a horde of reporters at Camp Crystal Lake, Voorhees began by nodding a statement in which he again apologized for taking banned drugs from 2004-2008 while he was training for his upcoming 2009 project.

    Then Jason turned to his future teenager sex-crazed victims and searched for the right words.

    It took 37 seconds — a break in which he looked side to side, blinked several times, tilted his mask and took a sip of water through a straw — then finally looked up and nodded.

    "Thank you."

    Jason nodded he wasn't sure how the drug use helped him, but admitted he had more energy to kill and felt more excitement when killing.

    The eight-time M.V.K and horror film's highest-paid slasher spoke at Crystal Lake's spring camp 10 days after the reports that he tested positive in 2008.

    For years, Voorhees denied using performance-enhancing drugs. But when reports showed he was on a list of 26 killers who tested positive during horror film's 2004 survey, along with killers like Leatherface, The Tall Man, Michael Myers, Candyman, The Little Girl From The Ring, Chucky, and The Creeper.

    None of the killers would discuss Jason's latest confession.

    The 42-year-old Jason has killed 173 sex-crazed teens (including when his soul was in other people's body) and is said by many to be the greatest slasher of all time.

    "He's a huge investment to the camp. Jason had a ton of potential, his rookie season when he first returned to the camp was insane. He made a definite statement; killing anybody, big titty, little titty, it didn't matter. But as time passed, I felt like he wasn't killing these young topless sluts like he use to. You could really see it in Freddy vs. Jason," camp adivsor Brian Knottingham said.



    First to report, KingoftheHorror, very sad day.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    - The most influential character of all time

  2. #2
    The Architect
    This user has no status.
     
    FrighT MasteR's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Member #
    1
    Location
    A semi-dark room
    Posts
    31,640
    Threads
    1837
    My Mood
    Lurking
    Follow FrighT MasteR On Twitter Add FrighT MasteR on Facebook
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 879
    Given: 134
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID frightie Steam ID frightie
    :starefreak:

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  3. #3
    UHM's #1 Killer
    Half of life is fucking up,
    the other half is dealing with
    it.
     
    KING's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    11-25-2023

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Member #
    10079
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    12,058
    Threads
    34
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 2
    Given: 0
    :mhehe: awesome.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "(Insanity) is not hubris, not pride; it is inflation of the ego to its ultimate - confusion between him who worships and that which is worshiped.
    Man has not eaten God; God has eaten man." Philip K. Dick The Man in the High Castle (1962)

  4. #4
    Have drums will travel
    You're a ship out to sea and I
    am a storm cloud forming...
     
    Lemmywinks's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    03-02-2015

    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Member #
    828
    Location
    Southern Cali
    Age
    45
    Posts
    6,066
    Threads
    29
    My Mood
    Amused
    Add Lemmywinks on Facebook
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 1
    Gamer IDs

    Gamertag Zakzombiekiller
    "Killing anybody big titty,little tiity.":lol2:

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Why put off until tomorrow to what can be avoided all together.

    Being the best shite in the toilet doesn't mean anything other than you're still shite.....-Dexter

  5. #5
    Master of Brutality
    Back at it again.
     
    UzumakiW's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    10-10-2020

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Member #
    5296
    Location
    Killifornia
    Age
    33
    Posts
    2,391
    Threads
    17
    My Mood
    Sneaky
    Add UzumakiW on Facebook
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 152
    Given: 75
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID UzumakiW Steam ID UzumakiW
    That was a good read.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

    "We all go a little mad sometimes"

  6. #6
    Fury of Polaris
    This user has no status.
     

    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    05-04-2012

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Member #
    21
    Location
    MA
    Age
    37
    Posts
    62
    Threads
    0
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0
    Cheers, that was pretty good. Haha

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "Isn't it worth it? All good things must come to a painful end, but isn't that one instance of pain worth the memories we create before then? In exchange for that one moment of sorrow, we gain so many chances for happiness. I will not deny those chances in fear of that day when things will end. Would you not strive to be among the stars, even knowing you would have to return to Earth? As I strive to be with you, knowing I will have to return to being alone one day. It is worth it."

  7. #7
    Child of the Grave
    The Duke of NY...A#1
     
    koolmike's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Member #
    16
    Location
    Queens, NY
    Posts
    20,471
    Threads
    848
    My Mood
    Cool
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 310
    Given: 94
    "I knew we wern't taking tic tacs," knods Jason.



    sweet

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "Wake up sucker, we're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are."


  8. #8
    Assistant Webmaster
    This user has no status.
     

    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    05-27-2020

    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Member #
    2727
    Age
    39
    Posts
    1,140
    Threads
    60
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1
    Given: 0

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  9. #9
    Rotting Zealot
    This user has no status.
     
    glamorilla's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    1 Week Ago

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Member #
    13811
    Posts
    91
    Threads
    2
    My Mood
    Dead
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 5
    Given: 3
    over the years i somehow figured the swamp itself somehow played into jasons anilities: it heals him and gives him his strength.

    kind of like swamp thing or solomon grundy.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  10. #10
    Diz mutha F'er got banned!
    This user has no status.
     

    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    09-22-2010

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Member #
    14362
    Location
    On the neighboring planet across from Nebula M-Spacehunter.
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,192
    Threads
    51
    My Mood
    Fine
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0
    HA! WTF?!

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  11. #11
    Fresh Zealot
    I am high.
     
    steelba's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    11-19-2019

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Member #
    34
    Location
    Everett, WA
    Age
    42
    Posts
    11,497
    Threads
    78
    My Mood
    Hungover
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 24
    Given: 10
    "Breaking News" You suck

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!



    Steelbaz Youtube Channel


    Nosferatu = UHM's Snitch

  12. #12
    Cowboy From Hell
    This user has no status.
     
    levil666's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    06-13-2013

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Member #
    14391
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Age
    38
    Posts
    971
    Threads
    18
    My Mood
    Dead
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0
    Quote Originally Posted by glamorilla View Post
    over the years i somehow figured the swamp itself somehow played into jasons anilities: it heals him and gives him his strength.

    kind of like swamp thing or solomon grundy.
    Crystal Lake=Jason's Fountain of youth; but kiss of death to anyone who skinny dips in his sacred pool of rejuvenation. Nice post, and so fitting with the times.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "Obliterate the screams of the weak
    Who needs a god when you've got Satan
    No god to offer this forgiveness
    No god to punish for these sins
    Tormented for the prize of salvation
    Broken loyalty to life after death"



  13. #13
    Cowboy From Hell
    This user has no status.
     
    levil666's Avatar
    Status
    Offline
    Last Online
    06-13-2013

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Member #
    14391
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Age
    38
    Posts
    971
    Threads
    18
    My Mood
    Dead
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0
    Crystal Lake=Jason's Fountain of youth; but kiss of death to anyone who skinny dips in his sacred pool of rejuvenation. Nice post, and so fitting with the times.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "Obliterate the screams of the weak
    Who needs a god when you've got Satan
    No god to offer this forgiveness
    No god to punish for these sins
    Tormented for the prize of salvation
    Broken loyalty to life after death"



  14. #14
    skybrick
    Guest
    This user has no status.
     
    That was pretty creative. Nice work.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

+ Reply to Thread

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •