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  1. #1
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    Dolph Lundgren Fest 2012

    The marathon of all marathons, the man himself Dolph Lundgren in a non-stop marathon all day, none of those fancy "popular" movies like The Punisher, Rocky 4, or the Expendables. No, I'm talking about classics like Blackjack, Red Scorpion, and Detention. All day I'll be watching classic Dolph-epics all day and giving my thoughts/reviews of each.

    First up...Detention.

    Edit: I'm an idiot...it's too early to start a marathon

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    Last edited by strtfghtr; 07-28-2012 at 10:12 AM.

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  2. #2
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    Red Dawn

    I am intrigued and look forwards to hearing your take on the crazy antics of the Dolph...he is pretty much an Aussie if anyone didn't know

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  3. #3
    Call me STRT or Street
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    I thought he was Swedish?

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  4. #4
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    Detention (2003)
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0321997/

    Dolph plays an ex military operative that is now a teacher at a high school. The drug runners/terrorists invade the high school via a secret tunnel at a construction site and take over a school. They didn't count on one thing...DOLPH LUNDGREN is hosting detention that day. Every single line...every single one goes against the conventions of common human thought. Nothing makes sense, the characters are all stereotypes and pathetic. The acting is as ridiculous as the plot is incredibly stupid. The entire film (and I mean from frame 1 and forward) have you questioning WHY? WHY? Why would you do these stupid things? Random sex at inopportune times, poor character decision making, annoying teenagers, 30 year olds playing teenagers, bad guys running in yelling "Surprise!", and my personal favorite a motor cycle/motorized wheelchair chase down the hallways while having a gunfight

    This movie is unreal.

    Regular Rating: 2/10
    Dolph Rating: 7/10

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    Last edited by strtfghtr; 07-28-2012 at 10:16 AM.

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  5. #5
    Call me STRT or Street
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    Quote Originally Posted by Splat View Post
    Red Dawn
    oops I meant Red Scorpion

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  6. #6
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    How about Missionary Man and Dark Angel?

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  7. #7
    Call me STRT or Street
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    Dark Angel is on the list...Missionary Man is a possibility

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  8. #8
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    No, he's Swedish and not australian, sorry Splat.

    "Red scorpion"? I like this movie very much with its torture scene héhé

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    By the fallen one I shall arise...

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  9. #9
    Call me STRT or Street
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    Red Scorpion (1988)
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098180/

    Dolph plays a Russian KGB special agent sent on an assasination mission in Africa. Dealing with Cubans, helicopters, gunfire, and of course Little Richard soundtracks are all in a days work for Dolph. I actually liked this movie. The action is awesome, the acting is one notch above bad and the plot while complicated is actually decent. The characters have not only personalities and motives, but they actually go through character arcs. Our badboy Russky not only kicks everyones ass and blows shit up, but actually learns something about himself and progresses throughout. I'd recommend this not only to Dolph fans but to any 80s action fan.


    Regular Rating: 6/10
    Dolph Rating: 9/10

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  10. #10
    UHM's Horror DVD Informant
    UHM's Biggest Fuck Up.
     
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    looking pretty good

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    "In Heaven, Everything is Fine" ~ Eraserhead



    ~ Let The Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in)

    My Collection!

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  11. #11
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    The Killing Machine (2010)

    Dolph plays an ex KGB assassin living in Canada making worldwide trips to off anyone that pays him to. As a family man his job cost him his marriage and soon gets him into worse trouble. Lundgren sets out directing this picture and right off the bat it's off to a bad start. His use of NON-STOP shaky cam in nearly nauseating. His narration is also distracting and serves little purpose. The plot itself is good by Dolph standards and the action kicks some serious ass. Best kill so far was the guy's skull into the end of the bench press. The steady-cam is unrelenting but when it is coupled with the slow motion and quick cuts it reaches a new level of terrible. It's conflicting since the movie isn't bad but the way it's presented IS. Overall I liked the movie but the ending is shit.

    Regular Rating: 4/10
    Dolph Rating: 7/10

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  12. #12
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    Army of One (1993)

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106309/

    Dolph is an escaped convict out to get revenge on those that killed his partner and had a hit put on him. Along the way his kidnaps a smoking hot cop (seriously I want to bang this chick)

    Anyway the movie is less guns than your normal Lundgren fair as there are only like 2 or 3 per scene. That is until the 20 minute shootout at a factory full of Lambos and Ferraris. The movie builds up to a high speed car chase which has some Ferrari off-roading scenes. Ultimately the ending is another letdown, but on the plus side there's boobs in the movie.

    Regular Rating: 4/10
    Dolph Rating: 7/10

    One special note I should make is that the music is exceptionally bad. Reminds me of a 90s TV show or bad made for TV music

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  13. #13
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    Masters of the Universe (1987)

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093507/

    Dolph is He-Man in one of the shittiest cartoon to movies ever. This movie has a bad story, bad effects, and a bad story. Did I mention how shitty the story is? Anyway, most people my age have seen this and it blows...as for the marathon Dolph is barely in the movie...he has like 4 scenes. The end battle with Skeletor is even lame with skeletor having some gold hat and He-Man winning by breaking his cane. Blegh.

    Regular Rating: 4/10
    Dolph Rating: 2/10

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    Last edited by strtfghtr; 07-28-2012 at 06:24 PM.

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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by walk View Post
    No, he's Swedish and not australian, sorry Splat.
    Shud-up you He lived here for quite a while in the 80s

    Quote Originally Posted by woodenheart View Post
    Dark Angel?
    I forgot about this beauty

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  15. #15
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    Strt, I hope you are in deluging on appetizers of Swedish meatballs and sipping some tasty Glug..

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  16. #16
    Call me STRT or Street
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    I Come in Peace/Dark Angel (1990)

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099817/

    Dolph plays a cop on a case of investigating murders. It turns out an alien is coming around and doping up humans with heroin and cracking open skulls to get precious endorphins out. Not only is this movie badass, but Dolph is on top of his game. Car chases, shootouts, kung fu, alien gun battles, and of course one liners. The while this movie may have been made at the end of the decade, the soundtrack is pure 80s. If anyone hasn't seen this check it out it's worth a watch.

    Regular Rating: 7/10
    Dolph Rating: 10/10

    Next up (if the download hurries up) is Blackjack, the DVD we have failed 15 mins in so we're relying on the powers of the internets.

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  17. #17
    French (s)cum
    The mad woodsman is back...
     
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    Yeah he was a karate champion Splat I know that. He got a masters of Chemical too. He's far from being a stupid guy contrary to what so many people tend to think.

    This guy proved it's possible to fulfill one's dreams when the will is there. He's some kind of an example to me for that matter.

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    By the fallen one I shall arise...

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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by walk View Post
    This guy proved it's possible to fulfill one's dreams when the will is there. He's some kind of an example to me for that matter.

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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by strtfghtr View Post
    I Come in Peace/Dark Angel (1990)

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099817/

    Dolph plays a cop on a case of investigating murders. It turns out an alien is coming around and doping up humans with heroin and cracking open skulls to get precious endorphins out. Not only is this movie badass, but Dolph is on top of his game. Car chases, shootouts, kung fu, alien gun battles, and of course one liners. The while this movie may have been made at the end of the decade, the soundtrack is pure 80s. If anyone hasn't seen this check it out it's worth a watch.

    Regular Rating: 7/10
    Dolph Rating: 10/10

    Next up (if the download hurries up) is Blackjack, the DVD we have failed 15 mins in so we're relying on the powers of the internets.
    I remember this one now, I want to go check it out again If I am correct it came around at the same time as 'Split Second' and other similar films. Very entertaining so totally agree with your rating

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