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Let’s do something different! The filmmakers section has become nothing but strangers looking for hands out on Kickstarter/indiegogo. I thought it would be fun for filmmakers to share their Production Nightmares. Don’t have to mention names to protect the innocent and the incompetent.
I was an Art Department PA on a low-budget sizzle reel for a proposed tv/web series. The man strutting around claiming to be the writer and Executive Producer, never stepped foot on a set. Amateur or Professional. But because he was able to dig up some cash from investors and get a crew, he was a big shot. He always had a cigar in his mouth, raving about his Producer title.
One night we’re shooting a simple scene, a girl working out. There’s no script or shot list on set. But we’re told it’s a girl working out in what’s suppose to be some kind of POW camp. The Big Shot tells me to grab some cinder blocks for the work out scene. I Lug them onto the stage and ask the director where they’re supposed to go.
Director says “Get those the fuck out of here, this is a film shoot we’re going to use apple boxes!” I had thought the actress was going to be lifting the blocks for the workout scene… Wrong! They just wanted to make her taller in the frame. The director then leans over to the DP and says “You can tell who’s been on a set & who hasn’t. Some of these guys don’t even know what an Apple Box is.”
I looked like a damn fool. I went to film school and worked on several shorts and features before this. I know damn well what an apple box is! ( & its brothers the halfbox , three quarter and pancake) Rest of that night I was trying to compensate and use industry terms the whole night. “That light has some spill, you want me to flag it off or get blackwrap?” etc.
Moral of the story; if you want to call yourself a FILM producer, please know what the fuck an Apple Box is! This guy will end up paying somebody $500 for C-47s rentals.