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  1. #1
    Yup
    I'm gonna shove one of those
    fake hearing devices so far up
    your ass, you can hear the
    sound of your small intestine
    as it produces shit!
     
    Macready's Avatar
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    SX_Tape




    My boy hooks me up all the time with screening passes, but there are occasions I want to kick him square in the nuts. Usually he gives me a paper to present when I get to the theater, it usually has the typical verbiage on it such as "OFFICIAL SCREENER" or even "PRESS PASS". It's usually very well done with a picture of the poster for the flick and of course the typical waiver portion on the bottom that I have to sign.

    Then there are times where I walk up to the window, say I'm there to see whatever screening and they see I'm on the list and let me in. Well after last night I'm officially done with those.

    SX_Tape is the most recent adventure I had to check out an early screening. This movie makes some of the ones you see on Netflix that have 1 star look like horror classics. How does a movie like this get made? The fact that someone out there even read this script and decided to fund it is ludicrous!

    Here is the synopsis from IMDB (which I had to correct by the way, as it is not a mansion they break into...it's an abandoned hospital). IMDB also has this listed as being made in 2012! Which after doing some research I found to be true.

    Adam and Jill attempt to spice up their relationship by recording a sex tape in an abandoned hospital. Realizing they're not alone in their ominous surroundings, the couple discover some sex tapes shouldn't be made as their kinky adventure turns into a desperate fight for survival.
    I knew nothing about this movie at all. Didn't even know "SX" really meant Sex Tape. I am assuming they had to use the abbreviation due to the Cameron Diaz/Jason Segel movie coming out known as...Sex Tape. Just a guess, however I'm sure that really could be a big reason for it.

    This movie is atrocious. I knew it from the first 5 minutes. How this will allegedly get a theatrical release, in May is beyond me. Yet another shaky-cam, found footage, night vision entry into a genre that should now be long gone, SX-Cam takes simply winging it as the movie unfolds to an unprecedented level.

    Filmed in Linda Vista hospital in Los Angeles (was on Ghost Adventures) is the best part of the entire movie. The place is genuinely creepy and after seeing that Ghost Adventures episode many times, give this crew some credit for using this location.

    I would question how such a small, super low budget flick would be able to get access to a place such as this, however Linda Vista has been demolished and the site is now under construction for apartments. Good luck to those people!

    Sorry, I got off topic and was talking about something much more interesting. Back to the movie...this couple ultimately decide they want to film their fucking adventures in this abandoned hospital. Totally plausible

    What ensues is 80 minutes of, odd noises, typical movement in the background, running shaky cam footage, horrible acting and an unfathomably preposterous final frame. In a very odd (one of many) script decisions they actually get freaked out by something they see and leave the hospital. Only to call friends and convince them to meet them back at the hospital!

    There are no scares although the film tries hard to get the audience to jump. In my screening there was more laughter than anything else. Just what you want when seeing a horror flick.

    Directed by Bernard Rose (Candyman), yes I said Candyman, this movie should be avoided at all costs.

    1/10 The 1 comes from using Linda Vista, otherwise this is a complete zero.

    The Good:
    Linda Vista

    The Bad:
    EVERYTHING ELSE

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    Last edited by Macready; 04-23-2014 at 06:42 AM.
    The tranquility of night hides many malevolent things taking place under a stunning, mysterious sky pocked with precious gems of light. -GP

    Published writer in Fantastic Horror, Volumes 1,2, and 5. Currently working on my first two novels!

  2. #2
    HellBound Saint/Damnation Ready
    My "Give a Fuck" is
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    Fuck Yourself" is Fully
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    hacknslash's Avatar
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    Any Female Nudity by chance

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  3. #3
    Yup
    I'm gonna shove one of those
    fake hearing devices so far up
    your ass, you can hear the
    sound of your small intestine
    as it produces shit!
     
    Macready's Avatar
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    Nope.

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    The tranquility of night hides many malevolent things taking place under a stunning, mysterious sky pocked with precious gems of light. -GP

    Published writer in Fantastic Horror, Volumes 1,2, and 5. Currently working on my first two novels!

  4. #4
    HellBound Saint/Damnation Ready
    My "Give a Fuck" is
    Still Broken,but my "Go
    Fuck Yourself" is Fully
    Functional!
     
    hacknslash's Avatar
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    Wow, you should ask your friend for the hour an a half of your life back every terrible flick needs Boobsyour friend must be playing a mean prank on you.

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  5. #5
    The Architect
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    FrighT MasteR's Avatar
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    As far as horror goes Bernard Rose is such a terrible director now

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  6. #6
    HellBound Saint/Damnation Ready
    My "Give a Fuck" is
    Still Broken,but my "Go
    Fuck Yourself" is Fully
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    hacknslash's Avatar
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    He almost wrecked Candy Man!, if it wasnt for Tony Todd's preformance and it being Clive Barkers intellectual property. That thing had the makings of being pure garbage.

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  7. #7
    Rotting Zealot
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    A Pink Maggot's Avatar
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    Thanks for the heads up.

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  8. #8
    Rotting Zealot
    Go quickly, travel safely, my
    young friend, to the land of
    ghosts.
     
    CountOrlok's Avatar
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    Well the plot sounded pretty dumb, anyway. A couple making a sex tape in an abandoned hospital? Maybe in A Serbian Film, but nope.

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  9. #9
    UHM Emissary
    “I'm afraid I can't
    explain myself, sir. Because I
    am not myself, you see?”
     
    WickedNik's Avatar
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    Sounds terrible. Your friends a dick for letting you watch that garbage

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  10. #10
    Yup
    I'm gonna shove one of those
    fake hearing devices so far up
    your ass, you can hear the
    sound of your small intestine
    as it produces shit!
     
    Macready's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WickedNik View Post
    Sounds terrible. Your friends a dick for letting you watch that garbage
    Ha, he tries. He does get me into some pretty kick-ass early screenings so I have to accept the occasional shitty movie. But this one is really bad.

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    The tranquility of night hides many malevolent things taking place under a stunning, mysterious sky pocked with precious gems of light. -GP

    Published writer in Fantastic Horror, Volumes 1,2, and 5. Currently working on my first two novels!

  11. #11
    HellBound Saint/Damnation Ready
    My "Give a Fuck" is
    Still Broken,but my "Go
    Fuck Yourself" is Fully
    Functional!
     
    hacknslash's Avatar
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    Your Friend is Brillant. Thats how you fuck with a true horror fan you gift wrap the shittiest movies an pass it on to your buddy.I do it to one friend on christmas if i take a chance on some low budget flick an its trash,There his Christmas or BDay gift is ! My boy gets me back by accidentally leaving them in My couch cushins

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