Written by and starring Ashley Hargrove, Marriage Bites is one to watch…as is she! Clever, energetic and zany, this horror comedy is needed in the push for more satirical vampire flicks to steer us away from the overloaded bells and whistles circling a typical blockbuster fanger film.  

Similarly to Kevin Spacey’s “Lester” from American Beauty, mild mannered Martin (Joe Komara) is a bored and worn-out family man who routinely and absently goes through daily motions as husband to Linda (Hargrove) and father to teen Morgan (Ava Connolly). After 15 years of a monotonous marriage, he is ready to spice up his suburban lifestyle with some true liveliness. And what could be more exciting than being bitten and turned into a creature of the night with all the crazy benefits accompanied by immortality?

Well, creature of ‘the night’ is immediately squashed once Martin awakens to the basking glow of sunlight, labeling himself as day walker, eager to debunk additional stereotypes of becoming a bloodsucker. The first and scariest hurdle, however, is confessing to wife Linda, that his “life” is forever changed. But “we can make this work, honey!”

Sure. As long as his insatiable hunger doesn’t turn her into a midnight meal.  

Along with his elevated appetite, Martin’s transformation has resurrected his once sleepy sex drive which turns Linda’s libido into an exhausted hinderance in arrears. The back-and-forth banter is amusingly witty and comically timed in flawlessness as we witness this couple alter their lifeless lifestyle into an awakening of newfound proportions. In addition to the vampire cliches (unable to enter human homes uninvited, no mirror reflection, perfect vision, ravenous hunger and deadly use of holy water), there are several typecasts proven ineffective which only amplifies the hysteria.  

Speaking of hysteria, midway through Marriage Bites, the story changes course into an inescapable domino effect as Martin’s hunger overtakes his moralistic values instilled by Linda, turning their neighborhood into The Walking Dead with fangs. Yes, vampirism is the new zombie apocalypse through an inevitable coup with more people quickly turning into bloodsuckers, chasing after that thick red nourishment.  

From a meat delivery man to friends and family, no one is safe. Except for Linda. Martin is determined to complete one promise to his devoted, loving wife and that is…keep her unharmed and unbitten. Easier said than done as the plot goes off scale (by about an unnecessary 20 minutes in total), dragging us through repetitive territory and away from the delightfully broken yet ordinary couple trying to savage their relationship in the midst of a little, umm….pivotal event? It peaked too early and ran rampant after legit points were made.

Getting back to the main narrative…after 15 years together, would you walk out on your partner if they survived a horrific accident? Was stricken by a debilitating illness? How about if he/she became a bloodthirsty monster? I mean, let’s face it…all scenarios suck.

Some more literally than others.