Teddy Told Me To (2022)


REVIEWER RATING: 
8/10

DIRECTOR:

CAST:


If you’re in the mood for a derivative of The Funhouse with elevated humor and next to no emotional investment, Teddy Told Me To would be the right choice!  

Danny and Zoe are a young couple in search of added adventure in their lives. So of course, they purchase an abandoned haunted house attraction with a history of brutal real-life murders onsite. I mean, isn’t that the ultimate dream? As the story goes, a young boy became enormously attached to a stuffed teddy bear he was given by his mom and dad, in happier times. As he grew up, dad Theo was less tolerant of his son’s need to schlep the bear everywhere and (in a fit of rage), cut off its face. In retaliation for this cruel act and his infidelity, Theo’s teenage son kills him, while causing his beloved mom’s death in the process. The legend continued with the boy’s need to murder others while wearing the cherished teddy bear face, beginning with his father’s mistress who “broke up his family”. Pretty wild, right? Don’t worry…no spoilers here!   

With much concern to Zoe in particular, she wearily proceeds with a walk through inside the dilapidated warehouse and ends up becoming more intoxicated with the excitement of transforming this structure into a creative place with a new crew of haunters. I guess the thought of mutilated bodies which once coated the floors of “Fright Zone” are no longer an issue.

Through a series of hilarious auditions, the couple carefully select the right combination of thrill seekers, sexy vampires, monsters and even a precocious little girl named Angela. The highlight award goes to Dook the Chainsaw Clown (the always quirky Drew Marvick) who “slays” his try out with an introduction to his collection of favorite chainsaws…and their names. Go ahead and facepalm now, but I dare you not to laugh!

Once everyone is in place, the attraction opens to a tremendous response as swarms of people line up to see the results of these new owners and more importantly…any remnants from the past massacre?

Teddy Told Me To is a very low budget, basic-scripted horror film with a 6/10 score on realistic special effects.  However, it delivers on humor, clever song parodies and some funky costumes that will make you smile and…remind you why you appreciate independent horror films.

OVERALL: 
Since I was in the mood for horror without the artsy, cranial dysfunction dynamics which sometimes damage my brain, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed this new realm of modern-day slasher film. It plays out like an extended episode from Creepshow, where you just sit and wait for that sudden twist to smack you in the face. Not only did the surprise surface, but I was not expecting the last frame to take place. Amazing! In the words of little Angela, “Fuckin’ A!”


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