Star Vehicle (2010)


REVIEWER RATING: 
3/10

DIRECTOR:

CAST:


Gutterballs (directed and written by Nicholson) isn’t the most well-made movie, but it’s an absolute blast to watch, with several unique kill scenes you won’t soon forget. Given that background, I had such high hopes for Star Vehicle.
 
Oh well.
 
What is a star vehicle, you ask? It’s transportation for talent going to/from a movie studio or production site. In this case, the cast being driven from their woodsy lodge, is filming a very low budget, B-movie in the middle of nowhere. Limited crew, crap craft services and a very high-strung director (played by Durec) carry this extremely cut-rate and poorly written movie from Nicholson. I came close to turning it off after the first 5 minutes but managed to carry on. I figured…it’s got to get better.
 
Oh well.
 
Don Cardini (Ellis) is the overprotective and proud driver of a cheap, beat-up van, hired to fetch a bunch of misfit horror film “stars” to begin work on a campy slasher film. To Don’s surprise, out walks the ultimate scream-queen, Reversa Red (Faraguna) and he is instantly starstruck. At this point, Reversa is the most fascinating character - charismatic and quite confident in her current stature within the industry. She is kind, funny, and open to a friendship with her new driver, Don. Faraguna was on her way to becoming the standout charm amongst the overacted cast in Star Vehicle. That is…until the continuous screams from this scream-queen were damaging my ear drums through a chaotic massacre which still bewilders me. What just happened? And…why?
 
Oh well.
 
Don claims control from the very beginning of Star Vehicle. Throughout the first 5 minutes, I lost count of the f-bomb and its forced over-usage, worse than the South Park movie in its entirety. Is it possible to convey your terror without constantly screaming “fuck you, mother-fucker, fuck!” It quickly went from a potential horror film to a black comedy. Too bad I don’t review comedies.
 
But there was nothing to laugh at when the performances continued to go downhill, starting with Don. His instant jealousy, violent tendencies and heightened rage appeared without any trigger or notice. And instead of being scared by his murderous maneuvers, it became comical to watch.
 
Once his motivation took over towards the end, his hope in becoming the next screenwriter/filmmaker of a gory slasher movie just lost me completely. Who made Don snap, this time? And why is his love interest (Reversa) now a casualty in this blood-soaked ending?
 
I’m not sure what I just witnessed, but I won’t make this mistake again.

Oh well.

OVERALL: 
The idea behind Star Vehicle is awesome! The execution of it, however, was contemptible. Very few horror films are difficult for me to watch. Star Vehicle is on another level of this spectrum. It’s not the gore (which was amateurish), nor the violence (which was…well, amateurish!), but rather the entire collective concept based on a terrible script. Reversa Red was the most likeable person (excluding her name), until the last 30 minutes when I imagined smacking her with a shovel, myself. Other than that, I struggled to find any redeeming qualities in these characters. I came up dry and just disappointed. Shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.   Oh well.


UHM is an independently owned site that relies solely on ad revenue. We ask that if you like this site and what we do to help support by temporarily disabling ad block (if you're using one). If you'd rather help in other ways you can also send a tip by clicking here (or the button below). Any amount helps and will go towards the costs to maintain the site. Anyone who donates will also be listed in our thanks page.