Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

June 23, 2009 - 9:02pm | FrighT MasteR
  Tags: blood suckers, brit, british, comedic, horror, lesbian vampire killers, lesbians, Phil Claydon, vamps

Your rating: None Average: 6.3 (4 votes)
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Phil Claydon
Paul McGann, James Corden, Mathew Horne, MyAnna Buring, Silvia Colloca, Vera Filatova, Ashley Mulheron, Louise Dylan, Lucy Gaskell, John Pierce Jones, Emer Kenny, Emma Clifford, Susie Amy, Travis Oliver, Margarita Hall

Every horror-comedy that comes out now-a-days for some reason has to be compared to Shaun of the Dead, especially if it's from the UK, which is sad, because so far nothing that has come out can really compare. That's pretty much the same thing with this film, where they've taken another couple of average slackers and pitted them against a horde of vampires. Uh, correction -- lesbian vampires! Yup, and you'd think that with a title like "Lesbian Vampire Killers" that we'd get an eye-full of boobs, ass, and.... But nope! In fact, I think all they even showed were brief breast shots.

Anyway, the movie is basically just about a couple average joes who decide that a little backpacking trip to a small village will do them good, as one of'em just had a bad breakup with his long-time whore-ish girlfriend. They stumble onto a small ominous village and come across another group of backpackers in the form of hot foreign college girls, with horrible accents of course. This obviously lightens up the mood, but it's short-lived when they realize that the women of the village are all vampires due to an age-old curse put upon the town centuries prior. Luckily the foreign girls aren't vampires (yet). Sorry, "lesbian vampires"; I keep forgetting.

So, it turns out that one of the guy's is some sort of great descendant of the legendary vampire killer who put a stop to some lesbian vampire queen who once ravaged the village, and now he's needed to help her minions resurrect the queen again. Aided by an ass-kicking priest/vampire hunter and a "nerdy" foreign girl who managed to not turn blood-sucker, they attempt to stop the resurrection ritual from taking place and hopefully do-away with all the pesky lesbian vampires too while they're at it.

I didn't really expect much from this movie and that's exactly what I got -- not much. The comedy is okay at-best. Some jokes are somewhat funny, but for the most part didn't get even a chuckle out of me. I also wasn't too keen on the two leads much, especially since the backstory on them is really brief. I also hated how the vampires oozed some sort of white semen-looking substance when they were killed instead of blood. It's almost like they did that just to make the censors go easier on the film, although I'm not sure why that should even matter since it's F'n called "Lesbian Vampire Killers".

Because we get an incredibly short supply of blood, there's really no gore in the flick -- another downer! Despite the bad, I did like the use of dark and neon-ish colors that were present in some of the night-time scenes. It did made the semen-ooze really stand out! Sadly, a lot of scenes (especially ones at night) looked like they were shot on a set, which is something I really hate seeing in movies.

Another lame comparison to Shaun of the Dead, which is a movie that's miles ahead of this in many aspects. The comedy wasn't very funny, there's no gore, and barely even any nudity; WTF!? Regardless, the movie is still entertaining to an extent. If you're looking for a pointless, no-brainer horror "comedy" with hot chicks (who don't get nude!) and vampires, then give this a check. Skip, otherwise.

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FrighT MasteR's picture
FrighT MasteR is an avid horror fan / monster hunter extraordinaire, who created and has been running UHM since its inception, way back in 1999.




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