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RATING |
| 4 |
DIRECTOR |
| Uwe Boll |
CAST |
Christian Slater
Tara Reid
Stephen Dorff
Frank C. Turner |
YEAR |
| 2005 |
RUNTIME |
| 96 minutes |
DATE REVIEWED |
| 3
/ 16 / 05 |
SHOPPING |
| BUY THIS FILM |
| REVIEWER: FrighT MasteR |
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RATE THIS MOVIE:
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RATED BY:
24 FAN(S) |
CURRENT RATING:
3.29 SKULL(S)
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Alone in the Dark
Alone in the Dark is considered by many as one of the worst films
ever made. I consider it to be one of the worst theatrical releases I've
seen in a long time. Budgeted at an estimated $20-million bucks, it
barely managed to rack in $5-million at the box office. I don't know
where Uwe gets all his money, but someone has to freeze his account or
something, because I don't think this guy is gonna stop making crappy
movies. BloodRayne already looks lame to me, with their plastic swords
and all. Well anyway, onto the movie -- this flick has problems from the
beginning. It tries to be a hardcore action horror flick, but only ends
up looking like some Saturday night movie on the SciFi channel. Within
the first 15 minutes we're treated to what's supposed to be some
high-stake car chase and fight sequence involving Christian's character
and some human/demon guy, but the fight choreography is so fake that it
looks as though it's a clip taken from a high school film project.
Let's quickly brush over the "story". I'm not sure how similar it is to
the game since I never played it, but the plot for the movie basically
follows a paranormal investigator named Edward Carnby (Christian
Slater), who slowly begins to unravel the mystery behind his past and
the recent events that are unfolding before his eyes. Apparently it all
boils down to some ancient artifact that'll unleash a gateway to another
world full of demons and what-not. Oh yeah, real original. I have to say
that any movie that will cast Tara Reid as some brainy scientist is
doomed to fail. According to Tara's concept of someone smart, all you
need are some glasses; a straight face; and no personality. Oh, and
throw in some "big" words in the vocab and you're a brainy scientist! Of
course with Tara in the film, there has to be a sex scene that would
require her breasts to be exposed.
So how's the gore? Well it does have some gory deaths, but there's not a
whole lot of gore otherwise. I have to admit that towards the end I was
pretty interested with all the shooting going on, but the fact that
there's no real plot behind all the mayhem I quickly began to dislike it
again. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I have to say that I
actually like House of the Dead slightly better. I suppose it's because I'm
partial to zombie action.
OVERALL
A
crappy flick, but with some action, gore, and Tara Reid's tits, it
manaaged to save itself from getting a lower rating. See this movie if
you're one of Uwe Boll's 5 fans, or if you like wasting money.
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Uwe Boll, I want my 96 minutes back!!!