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RATING |
| 3 |
| DIRECTOR |
| Mark Jones |
| CAST |
Rocky Marquette
Paydin LoPachin
Katie Chonacas
Bruce Weitz |
YEAR |
| 2008 |
RUNTIME |
| 80 minutes |
DATE REVIEWED |
| 6 / 21 / 08 |
SHOPPING |
| BUY THIS FILM |
| REVIEWER: FrighT MasteR |
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RATE THIS MOVIE:
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RATED BY:
12 FAN(S) |
CURRENT RATING:
6.17 SKULL(S)
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Triloquist
If there's ever a movie that you must absolutely avoid this year, let this be it. The is the latest effort from writer/director Mark Jones, who has brought us such genre masterpieces like the Leprechaun series and Rumpelstiltskin. It’s been a while since I added a movie to the "must avoid" list and normally I don't subject myself to such horrible attempts at a horror movie, but I was somehow suckered into wasting over an hour of my life on this mess. Sure, it offers some funny scenes, and it's obviously not meant to be taken seriously, but when you fill the movie with a bunch of pointless sequences and little-to-no-plot you can't expect the viewer to actually want to keep watching.
Made on a lunch-money budget, the movie opens with a horrible voice-over narration of the dummy (yes, the dummy), as it explains how things came to be. According to the cheesy black-and-white flashback, as kids, the lead brother and sister were forced to take care of themselves after their whore mother calmly overdoses on heroine. Skip to a number of years later and they're all grown up and still lugging around the dummy, who seems to have a mind of its own. The brother of the trio is a mute and handles most of the ventriloquist work, while the slutty sister is the "brains" of the operation. After a few cheesy murders, the siblings (and dummy) are caught by the police. The sister and dummy somehow escape the cops, while the brother is sent to an institution.
This leads the sister to break her brother out and they somehow set their sights on Vegas. The three steal a car and hit the road, leaving a slew of bodies behind them. The film offers incest, lesbians, lots of breasts, and a bunch of worthless shots of black and white and horrible music playing overhead. Somewhere in the so called "story" the siblings get it in their head that the brother, Norbert, must procreate, so they kidnap a pretty young girl with hopes of getting her pregnant. Much of the film's illogical sequences can be simply explained by "magic" or so the characters like to say throughout the feature. "How'd you get here?", "magic." Oh, that explains it. Imagine if every plot-hole in cinematic history can simply be explained by "magic."
While watching the film you'll likely ask yourself 'what the hell's going on' a number of times, as many of the scenes the movie offers make little-to-no sense and are seemingly just jumbled together to fill up the running time. Did I mention the dummy can fly? Yup, he often likes to pop up behind his victims and we're revealed later that he can lunge towards his prey while in mid-air. Magic? When it came down to the deaths, there's no gore, but an okay amount of blood here and there. Much of the jokes aren't very funny, but I have to admit, a few gave me a good laugh. Sadly, it wasn't enough for me to actually enjoy it. As if the movie couldn't get any worse, we're given the most predictable and ridiculous ending I've seen in years. Hopefully this is the last we see of writer/director Mark Jones.
OVERALL
One of the worst horror movies I've seen in a while. The film was nothing but a bunch of ridiculous scenes (some of which were in black and white for no good reason) and a lot horrible music, with little-to-no-plot. Even when not taking the movie seriously, you can't help but find much of it to be absurd. Avoid this one at all costs.
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Slow, boring, and spoiled with the worst actors I´ve seen for a long time.
Norbert is really STUPID. Man! I go angry when I remember that STUPID face!
Avoid this one... save your money please.